I try and initiate sex in an otherwise sexless relationship, I know I want something sexual and think it should be with her rather than having a wank. We start, and the voice tells me I’m not attracted to her and don’t truly love her, that its pointless trying and its not going to work.
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My inner critic has affected all aspects of my life since I was a kid, I am over critical of myself, except for sex, up until I had my first long term relationship break-up. Then the little bugger got into my head in the bedroom, when I was with new partners. Started with my own interpretation of me not being good enough, then the first time I couldn’t get hard, then the second so my brain latched onto those experiences as well until it all became a clusterfuck of emotions and thoughts.
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My inner critic gives me waves of chills and stress. He’s got my voice for sure and I’m usually ok for the first minute or two. When I’m performing, things go quiet and it’s just a feeling that takes over and I’m not longer fixed on the sexual act itself rather I’m “trying not to think about going soft”. Trying to keep the inner critic quiet. But as I’m trying to silence it, I’m not enjoying sex as much then I go completely limp for a while. And as my partner plays with me trying to give me another erection, just anxiety comes through again.
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My inner critic sounds like a voice on my shoulder for the hours before hand. He makes me think and anticipate the sex. He says things like “Can you do it tonight? Do you need pills? (Which don’t help) Should you even try and have sex?
Then in the moments of the act happening I will go from not worrying about it at all and being in the moment and then as soon as the pants come off I think “why am I not harder? Will i be able to do it? Will I be able to fuck like my porn riddled Brain thinks I should?” These thoughts inside of me cause me to go soft as soon as I put the condom on.
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My inner critic makes me remember times when it went wrong in the past. So making me think instead of feel/perceive. It traps me inside my own anxious touchs, instead of being in the moment and having sex. It’s a voice, a softer version of my own. It’s far away but I’m triggered when it speaks and listen very careful.
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My inner critic warns me of not getting hard and would become a laughing stock
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My inner critic reminds me of all the times i have disappointed other in life not just sexually but as a person. This makes my mind start to dart everywhere.
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Concerns about my body and if I’m hot enough for the other person.
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My inner critic is a mixture of a disappointed version of me that beats me up and tells me I’m pathetic and why aren’t I normal, why can’t I do this? And then a sort of frantic protectionist saying ‘why are you doing this?’ ‘There’s no way you can get hard’, ‘you’re gonna feel shit after this so don’t even try’, ‘this is embarrassing’.
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My inner critic drives me to get to the point, which is a good thing, but then the volume become overwhelming once I make it to the point, and the moment is lost.
My inner critic just thinks too much. It’s like i think to myself its not going to get up it hasnt for a while. Then it gets there i get a little confidence then boom it goes down and the moment is over and im feeling embarrassed…then the cycle repeats
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My inner critic is another guy or a group of guys who have no issues getting it up and fucking. He or they tell me I’m a pussy, or a bitch, or I’m gay, and that I should get out of the way and let them show the girl a real man. Or, I imagine the girl’s group of friends finding out I couldn’t get hard or lost my erection and them laughing at me as a result.
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Mine jabs me in the heart and convinces me that this is a bad idea. That something is going to go wrong. To not do it. Even though I really want to, I feel unwelcome need to hold back.
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Well my inner critic is me. I would say the rational me, logical, but perhaps not. He would think about how attractive my body is to the girl. If the girl notices that I am not hard yet, or tell me that I am not hard yet. Make observations about if the girl notices how my erection is. Would think of all the reasons that I would not be able to get erection tonight. The consequences of what would happen if I am not able to get an erection, etc. Back in my subconscious, probably thinking about the girl would compare me with her other sexual encounters. About how long I would last if I do get an erection.
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I have more than one critics. One from an abusive relationship in the past that has unreasonable expectations of perfection and who I was in danger of violence from, another who was very dominant and kinky who told men I’d never be able to get used to anything “vanilla”.
I try to imagine being part of a story in which everything is going well and it sometimes works, but not always as occasionally I have an image of someone else than who I am with and I feel guilty, whereas other times I get caught up in the details and the distraction of the story.
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My inner critic is my phone voice which starts up a few hours before sex with my wife is likely to happen. Keep telling myself not get too inside my own head just let it flow etc but I do the exact opposite
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My inner critic just never stops talking in my head. Sometimes it feels like they are even screaming at me. They are giving me orders about what to do and what I ‘should’ be doing or feeling.They are keeps repeating how I’ll mess up and how my relationship will be destroyed due to that. Some times they are even talk about irrelevant things and then they focus on sex again blaming me for having lost my focus(and my erection).The same voice keeps me in the same routine of positions during sex. It tells me to not try anything new because I’ll mess everything up and I won’t be able to make it. I feel like my inner critic never stops. It’s the same voice that tells me that the dishes need to be done. For that this voice is useful but for sex…this voice is really a downer.
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My inner critic is myself, it’s not a person it’s just my voice talking to me in my head constantly. Sometimes the voice is louder and I clearly hear him talking other times it’s blended over by the daily life and my positive self esteem. But whenever a challenging situation accuurs for example having a date with a girl or the few minutes right before penetration the voice is unstoppable. It constantly pressures me, and lightens up my anxiety, which ultimately results in me being unable to get or hold my erection, while feeling embarrassed and not good enough.The voice has no bad intend it basically just wants to protect me from 'fictional" embarrassment and pain. It tells me that a man has to fuck a girl real good, to be accepted as a man. It tells me that failure is undeniable, and that the girls I truly like and want to get intimate with lose interest when I can’t get hard. It tells me that other man can pleasure her much better than me when I don’t perform now. It tells me not to mess up again. It tells me that other people will find out about my erectile disfunction and laugh about me. Therefore it constantly spectates my penis, and if there is a tiny bit of softening happening it goes crazy and worsens it even more. It asks if I am able to satisfy her if my penis is long enough if penis is hard enough and so on and so forth. But exactly this inner me that wants to protect me and support me is build upon false assumptions. Which lead to performance anxiety in the bedroom and ultimately failure. And it’s so hard to overcome those thoughts.
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My inner critic reminds me of the fact that I’ve never had sex before. That since I’m still a virgin at 31, that there’s something wrong with me. He would tell me that by having sex, it would be obvious I don’t know what I’m doing and that my partner will know and judge me. It tells me to not engage in sex, to just avoid it and do everything else. To not confront it.I know this is silly, as no matter how bad the sex will be, it can’t be as tough as it is now where I’m struggling to get an erection. I know that by avoiding it, I’m making it harder for me in the long run. I will overcome my inner critic.
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about where im looking and what my facial expression is and worrying about what the other person is thinking of me and my movements/expressions
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