I had a few ‘bad performances’ in bed about 10 years a go and the fear started taking hold there on in. I have certainly had to stop any relationship where sex is the main driving force - its too embarrassing otherwise. I went through a faze of taking the blue pill to keep my partner happy but have had to stop because of the side effects. Sex is rare now and it does make you feel distant from your partner. The longer it doesn’t happen the more worked up you get inside and it gets worse.
I worry about sex most of the day and my inner critic feels like a nervous and anxious of myself trying to make me worry. I have to battle it for head space.
I used to really enjoy sex before my inner critic took over. Now I have a very strong, negative self-focus and can’t seem to have a good time. As a result, I’ve begun completely avoiding sex. I have been abusing the blue pill for the past few years but I want to make a change. It’s really reassuring seeing others going through the same thing. Keep going strong guys.
Mines an arsehole. The worst version of myself that mocks and likes to humiliate myself. My ED is a result of a 5 1/2 year abusive relationship that included sexual assault, it’s been 10 years since that ended and I’m happily married. As a result of the emotional abuse the inner critic tears me down constantly and it takes all its anger and shame from that time of my life out on me. And recently the tablets just don’t work the critic has become to loud. I recently had counselling where I finally talked a bit about it, and it’s stirred a lot up. The inner critic is definitely in the driving seat. But I’m glad I found this site and reading all the other comments I’m not feeling quite as alone in this issue, and I’m waiting to see a psychologist to help with processing the trauma but glad I signed up.
Hours before sex: it is going to be time for sex and my dick won’ t be hard at all. I will constantly think about my dick and try to refocus but fail. And it will be embarrassing and she will feel awkward.Right before sex: everything I was worried about will happen right now. How do I get over this? This is going to happen again.During sex: Why isn’t it getting up? I want to fuck her. What if she has done this with her exes and it was wild and she loved it. I am not enough and I cannot even compare to her exes. Why would she even want to be with me? What do I do to distract her? What excuse do I make? Perhaps if I make a good excuse she won’t feel so bad and I will have enough plans to sort my erectile dysfunction out. But what if I cannot? Why can I not focus on her being right next to me? When was the last time I was able to do this and maintain control over my own penis? Is there something wrong with me?
My inner critic has formed over time. I was sexually inexperienced before my first marriage and later learned from my ex, that she did not even want sex from me, because I could not turn her on (reason was not given). I pretty much stayed away from sex for the next twelve years, till I met my current wife. Things went well at first, but then I noticed after a few years, that I came far too quickly and that after sex, I was physically drained and often fell asleep. I knew she was frustrated, but did not say anything to make her feel worse. It culminated one time when after coming very quickly, she rolled over, sighed and mentioned a former lover… “you know ____ did not get as hard as you, but he was bigger and could last much longer and I miss that.” From that statement (though I know it was from frustration and not meant to be hurtful), I avoided sex all together and simply decided that if I could not please her in bed, I would stick to those areas where I could please her. This lasted for over ten years till we finally had an open and honest discussion. She did not remember the comment (which I completely believe), but offered continual apologies for it. After that, whenever we tried, I found I could get hard during foreplay, but at the point of penetration, the voice (and yes it is a real voice) would remind me of past failures and why was I going to put her through this once again. Sometimes, it sounds like a group of men watching and laughing at my attempts. It does not come before we begin or even if we plan it, but at that exact moment.
My inner critic tells me I am not a man. A real man is able to fuck this beautiful girl. There is a point ill be all alone not even thinking about sex, that little asshole critic comes out and punches me right in the gut. He says just a little reminder that you’ll never be able to get hard and stay hard.
My inner critic stays in my head constantly thinking about ways I can mess up a sexual encounter and then worrying about what the girl will be think of me and what she will tell her friends and everyone we know about how I am a failure. It leads me to think that I should avoid the headache all together
My inner critic tells me before, during, and after sex (attempts) that my much younger than me (and VERY attractive) parter has had other sexual partners in her past that are so much more competent, confident, capable, and never-failing, that I could never satisfy her in any reasonable way. That’s usually the end of anything resembling a useful erection on my part, and then signals the time to wave the white flag and go to sleep discouraged, embarrassed, and unfulfilled (both of us).
My inner critic is myself knowing that I am able to get it up eventually but is unsure ifvhave to say it to her in advance, in the moment or try to focus in the moment and not preplan. Its also thinking how will she react. Whatever it is, is my thinking mind in uncertainty on choosing the best option.
My inner critic constantly brings up fear of not getting an erection and not being good enough for my girlfriend. Then when I do get it up my inner critic tells me i’m not gonna keep it up and it wont get hard enough and then it is never hard enough for penetration.
Mine is a formless feeling that resides in my chest, upper back and gut area. It’s a feeling of anxiety that makes me think “what’s wrong with me? I’ve had sex with dozens of women before–both more and less beautiful–and finally, with the woman that I really want in my life, why what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get relaxed or hard? She’s literally asking me to come inside of her but I can’t do it. If I don’t do this, I’m going to lose her. This has never happened to her before, what’s wrong with me”
My inner critic tells me that I won’t get it up, my cock won’t work and isn’t good enough. They tell me that even if I get hard, I’ll lose it and let my partner down.
My inner critic is just me, doubting myself, telling myself that it’s not going to happen, it’s just going to be another disappointment. It’s not particularly nasty or anything, just pessimistic. I’ll start to panic and put all my energy and focus into getting it up, but my inner critic will just tell me that it’s all in vain, no matter what you do it won’t happen. As this happens, I get more and more stressed and eventually give in to the voice.
My inner critic is just myself, worried that things aren’t going to go the way I want. Making me anxious about staying hard the whole time, if my partner is enjoying it, if I’m even enjoying it. It makes me doubt if having sex is going to fulfill me the way that I would like it to and if I’ll have any fun.
I wasnt reAlly able to focus on it.
Its a real voice, sounds like my own voice, attempting to avoid sex. After my marriage , I was good in bed but after 1 year one day during having sex I couldn’t get it up and my wife shouted and we had an argument. From that day slowly and gradually my interest in having sex started fading out. Most of the time i used to feel too anxious and the inner critic , my own voice started telling me that it will go down, make it quick, do it fast and eventually the erection couldn’t happen and if sometimes it surpasses the inner critic, it will not remain up for long. The only goal in my head that my voice says make it to the penetration then it will go smooth and I’ll not disturb you. But if sex lasts for too long then again it will kick in and disturbs. I can say the argument with my wife and early stress of managing my finances after marriage caused this issue. Above all, the lock down and pandemic has played a big role, we dont get a break from each other and are continuously in same home from last 2 years.
I’ve gone from optimistic, to maybe it will work this time, to pessimistic, to the stage I’m now at which is ‘it’s not going to work and hope that oral etc is enough for her’. The inner voice - which is clearly the pessimistic me - has now convinced me that I either won’t get it up at all or if I do it won’t stay up long enough and will start going flaccid in no time once inside of her.
my inner critic is myself. Whispering in my ear hours before the sex. telling me," what are you doing you miserable prick? Are you sure you want to put her through this this? She deserves to be with someone who an at least get it up!" And then moments leading to sex,“You’re going to screw this up. You can’t get hard. I told you you shouldn’t have tried”
My inner critic is a woice in my head but also a feeling in my chest and legs and heart and when this start i just cant get it up