Vent session please talk me off the ledge

I’m a divorced father of two who’s had erectile dysfunction issues for going on two years.

My issues started to surface after my separation with new partners and into my current relationship now.

I am able to achieve erections in the morning or by myself but almost never with my current partner,

I have seen a urologist and went for bloodwork but their answer was more pills which isn’t the fix I’m looking for,

Sometimes the pills work and we continue on but sometimes they don’t and I have a very embarrassing situation with my current girlfriend which causes me to spiral and obsess for days after.

I don’t know where else to turn, this situation is ruining my mental health.


Dude I feel you. I use to be perfectly capable in the bedroom. Confident and in complete control. But then one day, many years ago now, I had my first encounter with ED. It was a damn condom. I was fumbling with it in the dark and all of a sudden I got struck with this idea that she knew I couldn’t figure it out… it was dark! Haha I couldn’t see what I was doing… but it got in my head and then I lost it. Then had to tell her what had happened and it’s just never been the same since then. Sexual encounters almost always lead to the same despair and leaves me feeling so frustrated. I don’t even enjoy it anymore. I always end the night with regret. That I should have just stayed in or not flirted with the girl because I knew I couldn’t close the deal with her when it came down to it at the end of the night. It makes dating very frustrating.

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Hey @wasteful-amaranth-walrus.

I am so sorry you’re going through this. Anyone in this situation would feel like they’re spiraling, especially if it feels like the pressure is on and you can’t find appropriate solutions

And it’s so frustrating that the medical professionals just want to throw pills at the problem, which misses the point that you’re having a psychological problem here. Though I’m glad you got peace of mind about your physical health.

I’m also glad you’ve stumbled across the Mojo community, and yes this can 100% be a ranting zone! Being heard and swapping experiences with other guys on Mojo can be gold.

As a duty of care to you or anyone reading this, I want to remind you that if you’re feeling really low, help is out there. While Mojo can help with psychological erection issues and give you lots of self-insight and lifelong sex skills along the way, you deserve more support if you’re in crisis mode and struggling to cope.

If things are really dark right now, I recommend specialized resources and helplines such as Samaritans or Crisis. You can find an appropriate helpline for your region here:

I know that it can feel awful. I speak to countless guys across all the different ups and downs of erection issues — the despair, the hope, the wins, the setbacks. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep going. I know you can do it. And because you’re here, you don’t need to do it alone.

Grace from Mojo