Trauma Around the Bedroom

I am at a point, single again, where I don’t think I want to try anymore. And all I want is intimacy and touch again. I started having ED issues about 8 years ago. I met my ex-wife about 6 years ago and divorced last year. Sex was okay. She didn’t allow foreplay so that really made it difficult for me as I love foreplay. All about it. Sex was so-so in the beginning becuase it was new. I fell in love fast. Not for the sex. Just her. As time went on I realized who I thought she was she wasn’t. She never helped out when it came to the ED stuff. She would shame or vlame porn or cheating. I didn’t watch porn until the last year or so of our marriage. It got to a point where all I could do is beg my body, okay I am hard on the couch and we are kissing, please stay hard until I penetrate her in the bedroom. It was normally 75/25 that it would stay hard. I trained myself to just cum fast. It was horrible. Year in and year out. So obviously with ED the blood is not there so I’m just left feeling small. There is no glory anymore down there. It makes me sad and full of anxiety. I am trying everything at this point to find a better sexual well being so I can enjoy sex again when it happens. But, my brain is stuck and it is her voice. Now it’s my voice too. And it’s so loud. I hate it. I’m extremely depressed about all of it. I don’t even dare trying to hit on anyone. No way. I don’t want to be laughed at and I know my wife would talk about it with her girlfriends. There are lot more thoughts that went on with all of that as far as I bet her exes fucked her better and had nice hard cocks. Not me. ED is killing me mentally. I remember the good old days and they are long gone. I am about to be 46 so I’m already having a mod-life crisis on top of it. Anyways. I will leave it at that for now. I hope you guys are finding this to be helpful. It’s nice to know I am not alone. I jist joined today so we shall see.

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Hey welcome to the community here - I’ve found it a really good place to share stories and get support. There are guys of all ages and wide range of experiences so you are definitely not alone.

Sorry to hear how you are feeling and your experience with your ex wife and mid life doubts. I do believe you can move through this tunnel with time and being kind to yourself.

It can really help to just share your thoughts and feelings.

Hope you enjoy Mojo - I found the recorded therapy sessions well worth a listen.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

Great you have joined Mojo and I am sorry that things were not easy for you with your ex. It is really helpful that you have noticed that it is her ‘negative voice’ you can hear. Mojo will be able to help you get out of your head and back into your body. It might take a bit of time to get some confidence back but it is all possible if you can work through the programs, learning more about yourself and your body. Good luck!

Thank you. I will be doing the daily lessons.

You’ve totally got this man as the key word you’ve referred to is “mentally” as the problem. You come to the right place where you can use the best techniques to turn your mind around and stop being your own worst enemy. I know having been there myself! There’s a much better partner than your ex out there for you so stay positive and good luck with it!!

I appreciate that man. Thank you.