Thinking about other Men while having sex with my partner

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now and I love him to bits. I’m realizing that my sex drive for him is pretty low the past year (especially since we moved in together). He does most of the initiating, usually right before bed time for a jerk off - although I rarely reject him, I almost feel like it’s a chore and wish I skip to go straight to bed. During penetrative sex, it could be challenging for me to get hard, I often have to fantasize about other men or scenes to cum. I know I’m not meeting his needs but don’t know how to fix this. Any thoughts or advices?

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I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, married for 8. I can never get hard enough for penetration so I was always on the receiving end. Looking back, this issue is nothing new. I have always had to jerk myself and when I got hard enough to penetrate I would last seconds. When I receive oral from him, I can cum but it sometimes takes a while and I feel bad for him. I also think about other men, porn scenes that have excited me, etc. We have had sex, hand jobs, once this year when we were on vacation. I avoid sex and unfortunately deny him when he initiates it. I have also been cruising parks to jerk off with other men and sometimes receive a blowjob. Sorry for the long reply.

I also think, like you, that sex is a chore and I am much more gratified by taking matters into my own hands. I am hopeful that this forum and program will begin to help me get my “mojo” back, not that I’ve ever had it. Feel free to contact me to chat more.

Communication is going to be important to change things. ojo can help you work out what you need to do to get back into your body and out of your head. Sharing this with your partner might help and can also start some helpful conversations, letting you share where you are both at and what is going to be pleasurable for you both going forward. It can feel scary sharing but it will help the overall relationship. Good luck.