Erection issues with new partner

I ended an unhappy marriage that lacked intimacy for 3 years or so and am in a new relationship that is going great, mostly. We don’t live in the same city so we only see each other a couple times a week, the last couple of times we have tried intimacy which has resulted in me ejaculating very quickly and without getting erect. I have gone down on her and gotten her to orgasm orally, but the erection thing is in my head big time right now. To the point that I touch myself a couple times a day to confirm that thinking of her alone gets me hard. I generally stop short of full masturbation, but am able to get hard and orgasm when i try alone.

She is supportive and has stated that she prefers oral anyway (she is 59, I’m 55 so maybe she no longer enjoys intercourse or finds it comfortable), so things are going fairly well. But I can’t help but feel that this won’t be sustainable long term as is. We also connect quite a bit outside the bedroom so I really want this to work. Likely putting too much pressure on myself and am stuck in my head. Would appreciate thoughts. Thanks!

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Touching yourself to check if you’ll get hard is something I used to do as well. I think it’s counterproductive, though. You’re playing into your anxiety by checking, instead of trusting yourself and the work you’re putting in.