I’m really continuing to struggle with keeping an erection, so much so my date hasn’t even tried giving me oral sex anymore. I just for the life of me cannot stay hard. It’s literally just a lot of fooling around and I go down on her and maybe over the evening and night she cums 2-5 times. While in all of our sexual escapades (5-6) I’ve never gotten off once, not even close. I feel daily like I just want to just break it off. I really am starting to love her and feel like although she communicates positivity that she’s down, out, and disappointed. I really sense her displeasure.
There is s good thing that what you are doing is the thing they call “mind-reading” here, which kinda speaks for itself.
If she hasn’t said anything like that too you, and she has actually been enjoying and even cumming, there is no reason to assume is there?
It sounds like you are projecting your own feelings and thoughts onto her.
For now just follow the program and really take it to heard. Don’t focus on being flacid, focus on the the feelings in your body.
Do the soft penis pleasure, the sensating and the wax and wane exercises for a couple weeks and say where you are at.
And fight that inner critic!! Don’t give up man. Try to enjoy sex for now without being hard. Sure as hell sounds like she is having the time of here life even without you being erect!
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Also, maybe she gets insecure that you might not be enjoying yourself when she gives oral???
Maybe just communicate with her you have performance anxiety, and tell her that you don’t get hard because of that, you still are enjoying it when she gives oral too you.
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Well, most of the time after she cums, she gets up, goes to the bathroom and puts on clothes and goes out to the living room. She voices positivity and support but her actions speak otherwise. Which in turn makes me feel inadequate. I’ve voiced that and it feels like it’s fallen on deaf ears. Yes. I’m maybe more of the problem but I couldn’t imagine NOT wanting or trying to please my partner whether they actually get off or not.
I’ve been in this program for a couple weeks and doing the exercises and really committing to it I’m still struggling. I’ll keep going and trying because that’s who I am…. But I’m starting to get tired.
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Yeah that sounds rough man. Also her just walking off does not sound very supportive I agree.
But if you make her cum 2 or more times, you sure as hell are not inadequate. And if she gets up and leaves like that, that is very unkind I my opinion. I get it makes you feel bad, but she is the one doing wrong here, not you. Depending on what is going through her mind though.
And wanting to please your partner is good and definitely not the issue! I’m exactly like that, and also why I have performance anxiety.
But you have to change your mindset about what is pleasing your partner, that should not just be an erect penis. And it’s clearly not. So yes, you can please her just as well as without it.
I think you might have to have a heart to heart with her. Who knows what she is thinking. Maybe she is the one feeling guilty for you not getting hard, even though it is not her fault. Maybe that’s why she is walking away, or some whole different reason you can’t know until you ask.
She needs to know you care for her and that you are (seksually) attracted to her, and that the ED is a mental issue and not because of her. And you need to know that its not that big of a problem if you are flaccid and you need to know what she thinks and you need to feel supported by her.
I hope you can figure it out with her man, good luck. And if she doesn’t understand after a good talk… Well she might not be the one for you? But hard to say from a digital distance
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Here’s a tip that worked for me:
Tilt your hip forward and position it in line with your core/body. When you do this you should notice an extension of your penis making it look even longer. Test your posture by tilting your hip backward and forward engaging your glutes without contracting them too much. Once you find the sweet spot (the optimal position of your hips) your erections should improve because of a better blood flow to your penis. It changed my sex life 