I often experience performance anxiety about lasting long enough during sex to make my partner cum. I always feel inadequate that I cannot make her cum and feel insecure about my penis size and my ability to have consistent stamina with penetrative or oral sex. I’m always starting and stopping and it leads to me getting into my head about whether or not shes enjoying it, or if she wishes I was able to keep going at a more consistent harder pace in order to make her cum.
This leads to me getting into my head and leads to the performance anxiety and premature ejaculation.
I know every girl is different, but wondering if anyone has good advice on changing mindset on this, and tools to help make your partner orgasm. I’d love to hear things that have worked well for you in this.
I would suggest not worrying about making her come through penetrative sex at all. This is generally understood to be difficult for a lot (most?) women to achieve, and for any man with performance anxiety or erection problems this focus will be an unwanted distraction from being present and enjoying sex together.
From your text, it seems as though you are inclined to imagine dissatisfaction on the part of your partner, but without actually speaking to her directly. This is totally understandable, but it’s important for us not to draw on a distorted lens through which to interpret things incorrectly. While everyone likes to orgasm, she may not be goal-oriented in this way or see an orgasm as a necessary outcome. Rather, she may simply value being together with you as part of an intimate encounter.
If you want to make her come, I would suggest simply saying to her that you are really keen to make her comfortable and give her pleasure. You could say that you would really enjoy going down on her and using your fingers to explore her body and pussy, because you would really value learning more about how to please her. I would not say that you want to make her come as such, because this could risk introducing pressure on her (and on you) in relation to a specific goal, rather than simply enabling you both to enjoy yourselves. You can take it slow and just enjoy yourself, and ask her for feedback afterwards.
This will ensure that you are demonstrating your interest in giving her pleasure and learning about her, but will remove the pressure to perform.