Hello friends I’m hopeful i find you guys well
I’m certain my challenge is psychological but how to go about it and where to navigate in this app to get the help I need from is a mystery . So here is my story
Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship so it gets lonely at times . I don’t enjoy jerking off or watching porn because in my past life it became an addiction which I eventually managed to overcome. So instead of going back to porn and masturbation which I don’t find pleasure in anymore i opted to try hookups however none of the hookups have led to sex due to anxiety which leads to no erection .
Prior to meeting up with new partners (hookup) i usually get anxious, heavy chest , discomfort, tummy bugs , diarrhea . And when it comes to going to bed with the lady it doesn’t get up regardless of how hot or attractive I find her.
I have struggled with this from the very first time I tried having sex and i just couldn’t get it up . She “ the lady I was with then” didn’t take the issue lightly which led to our break up. She made a big issue out of it . So even with my current girlfriend who is in a far away land now when we started getting intimate i was afraid but she made it so calm and welcoming when I’m with her i don’t struggle getting an erection . Even before we have foreplay i will be solid hard and ready . A simple kiss from her turns me on rock hard
I don’t know why i find myself in fear , panic , anxious when I’m with someone new . However when I’m with someone I’ve had sex with before I don’t have a problem (Exs) . By someone new I don’t mean a complete stranger but someone new to me in the context of sexual intimacy. I remember I spoke to my friend about this and she came to my place for a sleep over, boom couldn’t get an erection
Thank you for hearing me out I hope to get assistance
I get this too.
With an ex partner…I would get hard just at the mention of sex…even over a phone call or just holding hands….
But with a stranger, it’s like my mind isn’t recognising that sex is going to happen….which then kills the libido and I don’t even feel horny.
I think the “trick” may to be for our brain to realise this is a potential sexual encounter, the rest may work itself out?
1 Like
Thanks for the feedback , it’s really comforting knowing that I’m not the only one going through this similar scenario . have you actually been able to apply this trick and it worked for you?
It just takes persistence I’ve found.
Might take 1-2 times when I’m just not getting aroused, therefore no hard on.
And after the first time when it actually “works” I’m fine 100% afterwards.
It’s strange, maybe some guys like us need to feel a bit more of a connection before we start functioning?
2 Likes
Maybe we are built differently? We are more of a emotional connection type of people thus situational connection doesn’t get us hyped
1 Like
I have been the exact same as the OP here - and I’ve recently had mildly better success than normal, and I have a couple of observations
(For me) it doesn’t matter how attractive i find the person, my level of arousal and hardness i think has been dependant on my level of comfort with this person - which as has been said has come from spending more than just an hour with them before anything leads to physical
One of the major tasks in my routine has been LETTING myself enjoy the experience. Let’s be real, sex feels amazing - but being in my own head too much i forget how good just a simple trace of a finger on kiss on the neck can feel, and actually letting myself enjoy it has helped
Obviously its different from person to person but this has been my experience
1 Like
Have exactly the same kind of issues. I’m separated three years, recently in a new relationship. She’s great, sexy I to sex and very understanding but I can’t get an erection naturally. I’m 55 now and I know libido can start to go but my testosterone is high, health very good and I’m young and fit for my age. I find her really attractive and want to have sex but nothing happens. She’s very understanding but I’m worried it may split us up if I can’t have sex. I’ve tried Viagra and it worked the first time but not since. I feel relaxed and safe with her but something is stopping me. I really feel for you guys all I can say is own it, be honest with your partner if they make it difficult they are not worth it. Also I think some of the help out there actually makes it worse, stop thinking too much and let it flow.