Today is my first time on this app after thinking about it for years. I’m 29 and have had issues getting it up when it comes to new partners since i pretty much lost my virginity as a teenager. Everytime i encounter someone new i get into this state where my mind does not talk to my penis. There can be a naked girl, HOT AS HELL, right in front of me, and my dick just doesnt get up. Even if i touch myself, if she touches me or gives me head. Its literally unresponsive. In my mind im so turned on and want to please her so much, but my dick just is not on the same page. Usually takes me 2 or 3 encounters before i can get up for a new partner, if the girl even gives me a second chance..
Its so strange because this literally only happens with new partners. After the first and second session, we are pretty good to go and performance is pretty consistent, bc at that point im comfortable and she knows what i can do. Theres been times where i take viagra in order to be able to have sex for the first time, but i dont want to do that anymore. I know this is a psychological issue and it has to do with my mental. Im just not comfortable with a new partner and its like my body shuts down when im with someone new. I dont think its my libido because i can fuck everyday when i have a consistent partner, i get random boners during the day and i have morning wood every morning. But when it comes to performing with someone new, i fail 80% of the time.
Storytime: what really made me feel like i needed change is because i have folded in situations where i had hot ass chicks, horny as hell, ready to give it all to me. And then they leave disappointed because my dick doesnt get up. Just recently i went on vacation with my friends and out of no where, i met my high school crush at the hotel we were staying at. I havent seen her in 10+ years , but the attraction was immediately there. We are both successful, well off in our carreers, and good looking people. Shes a hot ass latina, AND shes a Doctor. We talked all night, went out dancing, shared some drinks, and she invited me to her room After what seemed like the perfect night, no exaggeration, i thought i met my wife lol..Some great sex would have topped it off. But unfortunately my ED struck again and i couldnt get it up. I even took a viagra to help after a couple failed attempts. Still nothing… idk if i’ll ever see this girl again, and the awkwardness between us was obvious after the failed encounter at the end.
Regardless, i dont ever want this to happen again with any other partner. I believe there is a disconnect with my mind and penis when it comes to new sex partners. Is it just comfortability, or performance anxiety?
What routines do you guys recommend i start with to attack these issues on this app?
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Same how do you get out of your head in the beginning?
Exact same issue.
We’re not wanting to be sexual gods…it would just be nice to meet someone, go back to theirs and be able to have sex, like most other people do.
I get the exact same, it’s like my body isn’t realising it’s the time to be turned on.
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I’ve had the same issue. The exercises on here like identifying the inner critic, defeating negative thoughts, have helped me. Takes some time and practice. And using a pill the first time can give you a boost. I know how frustrating it is, it’s not like we can press a button and “just relax” even thought that’s what we need. Use the exercises and meditations on here and keep at it.
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Maybe switch up your approach-
Take sex off the table the first couple times.
Focus on pleasing her orally and with your hands? Wear her out so she doesn’t need the D…
I get a sense of pride when I get my gf to cum 4-5 times before my boxers come off. It actually allows me to relax in that I’m not a total failure if my dick decides not to work…. Also feeling her wiggle and moan under my tongue gets me going.
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I’m not a scientist or anything but I’ve been using the app and have also done some of my own research on this bc I have the EXACT same problem. It has everything to do with your parasympathetic nervous system. This is the subconscious part of your nervous system that basically has two modes: fight or flight, and feed and breed. In your conscious brain, you think “man, this girl is HOT”. But subconsciously, you are still in fight or flight mode. This is likely because of the expectations and pressure to perform for a new partner, and make a good first impression. Hell, I get nervous sometimes meeting new people in normal situations that have nothing to do with sex anyways! Add in to that the pressure to perform? Forget about it bro. I would start with breathwork 101 and conquering self-critique. I think they are most effective for this issue. Sincerely wish you the best of luck in the future.
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I had the exact same issue. I’m 36 now and have had issues since I was 19. Lioe already mentioned the inner-critic stuff is great to start with. In fact just the knowledge that you’re doing something about it gives you a confidence boost. I’m now married, been with my wife for a long time and the flip has occured where I care so much about her that the fear of not performing CAUSES me to not perform. Again, inner-critic work is first port of call. You can do it dude, you know you can, we know you can, you deserve to have good sex. Get stuck in.
I’m enjoying some success in the PED department, but I noticed when I’m in her and she says how good it feels, I find myself commenting in my head: “I wish I had a more reliable or bigger dick to really please you….” I recognize that and try to get it out of my mind…..