I was with someone on and off for like two years
And I never had an issue with her with getting it up if anything I’m too hard around her but we broke up a while ago , I chose to break it up with her but any time I’ve got into situations with new people I’m seeing I can’t get hard at all and in between this I’ve gone back and had sex with my ex and it’s again no problem I’m so easily hard , but once I’ve initiated sex with a new partner I then never have the problem it’s so weird it just seems to just be for the first time having sex with someone , what does this mean ?
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I have the same problem. I was with my ex for 10 years and never had a problem. Since being single I’ve had this issue. I think it could be a performance anxiety issue or that I haven’t fully developed feelings for the person yet.
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Yes I’ve noticed I cant have one night stands which is not my plan but it’s a shit feeling knowing if I like someone I met only recently and we chose to have sex I just can’t but one time this girl I saw we acc had 3 dates until we chose to have sex at first I couldnt get it up but she was really chill and was very understanding of it , and then I got hard n had sex , but this new person I’m seeing she tried have sex with me the first night but it didn’t work and I saw her again months later and we try to take it slow but was limp again , but after couple days on here I’m feeling confident !
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Does this mean I can only have sex with people I have feelings for ?? and I won’t just be able to have casual sex , I’m trying to get to the route of why
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Since 20 years I have had only two partners, I had penetration. First I was married for 15 years and there were no issues and afterwards I had a relationship for about two years that also was fulfilling sexually. But those two women were patient and it didn’t work for me the first time with them. Now, I tried to have casual sex/one night stand and it didn’t work again. I felt anxious and nervous and couldn’t relax at all. Usually, if I remember correctly it took me three times with them in bed until I feel fully relaxed and comfortable with them. Maybe even feeling some emotional attachment, through kissing and touching before. I guess it’s the fight or flight mode that it’s hampering my ability to relax and get hard.
i’m in the same boat. i’ve realized that for me it’s performance anxiety. i sadly still have this strong feeling of having to perform as a man, and that it’s uncool and a sign of failure if i’m anything other than raring to go at any moment’s opportunity.
i have recognized my issue being toxic masculinity mostly. maybe it’s the same for you, maybe not. try to think back on what kind of negative thoughts or feelings you had. were they about performing? about not feeling close to your partner? that should give you at least some clarity
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Same boat here. I am starting to notice the same pattern where when I start being with someone, I’ve the first 10-ish sexy times, I cannot get hard. It progressively improves and I get somewhat hard for a short while, then for longer, and so on until things go okay. That hopeful that it’s about letting go and accepting to be seen by the person in with, which is the axis I want to work on along with becoming more sensitive to physical touch to get physiologically arouses more easily
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Well not really there’s a gazillion options - make love with partners / add some Viagra(or it’s numerous alternatives… there’s many ) in casual / arranged scenarios etc . where performance expectation may be a thing for you
I’m cool having worked on my one on one issues here just throwing that in there if needed.
I can almost 100% put it down to performance anxiety, was in a 6 yr relo and it never happened one, broke up and it had been months since the last time and I got nervous about it, and then it just kept happening each time all I could think about is the last time so I wasn’t in the moment at all, but the learning process of it all already makes me feel better about it 100% and that it’s a huge mental game
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Same issue here and it seems I’m even more in my head if it’s the first night and I’m really attracted to them. What’s worse i I’m gay and 100% top and most of my dates, I say 95%, they want to end up having sex with me the first night and at times so do I but if I can’t top them and it’s a fail, I feel like a loser and I’m the one who avoid them afterwards cuz I’m ashamed and scared of trying again With them again because I think it will fail again. I’m Looking for more of a solution for first night dates or just hook ups more so than soul mate type sex. In my world it’s usually great sex with a partner and feelings and love comes after and not before.
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