Hey Everyone - I’m feeling pretty discouraged. I had an initial experience with ED last August (2024) as an isolated incident that has only gotten more prevalent. 5 months ago it became an every time occurrence when my wife and I have sex on Saturdays (she chose Saturday night years ago after us talking about not having sex often. She’s been committed to Saturday nights). We’ve started couples counseling, which is also delving into ED topics (And I’ll continue working with that therapist on the topic). I am introspective and do mindfulness work (apparently not enough).
I can find an erection for solo sex 75% of the time (which is an improvement over these 5 months.) I can climax solo. It’s during partnered sex with her that I cannot get very hard (despite ED meds, limiting alcohol). Last night I got hard enough to penetrate, though I had to keep keep a hand down there so I wouldn’t fall out. She came, and I couldn’t. Tried shaking one off with her right next to me, and couldn’t and gave up after quite a few minutes.
I’m so discouraged. I hate that my body doesn’t match what my brain is saying. All these ED issues have mildly improved since day 1, so maybe I honor my successes and continue being kind and patient with myself. My partner is hella supportive…never once shamed me about it, but fuck, do I feel so much shame.
Anyone have any thoughts? I’m feeling so discouraged and hopeless around it. 
Thanks.
Same boat bro.
I’m actually just out of a 24 yr marriage that went just like you described.
It started that as soon as our child was walking and able to open doors, I didn’t want to have sex…… afraid of her walking in on us. My ed got worse from there.
there were other issues that caused divorce…
Now with a new woman who’s kind and empathetic and just fun.
I was up front about my PED and death grip. She’s familiar with Ed and actively trying to help! At first my brain would not allow the Ed meds to work. Once I started here, I quickly realized that it was more in my head than a physical issue… I told gf that it’s not her issue. It’s mine!
I also suggested a few ways she could maybe help…. Talking explicitly in bed. Not nasty- but to the point. Don’t hold back. Also if there’s something you’d like to try - please don’t be shy.
(Months ago we had to get up soon and I was feeling her up- she asked me to finger her as she used a toy on her clit!! Holy schitt. That was hot. Not sure what was hotter. The ask or the act?
I got real good at oral and fingering. I brought in a couple toys as well. I helped her discover she loves to be eaten. She hadn’t had it to her liking as of yet!!!(52!!!)
Once she finishes 2-3 times from oral/fingering, I feel like the pressure is off!!! And I can now enjoy sex. Also she’s one of the 30% that can’t finish without clit stimulus. So we incorporate a small vibe or a finger during sex.
I’m getting over the PED with her help and encouragement. We’re still working on my deathgrip….
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Well done brother. I’ve had that in my locker for years. Most women don’t orgasm from PIV anyway so this is the way to go