Definitely been thinking these are my major issues as of late. Spectatoring being an in the moment issue and then inner critic joins in the. and also brings me down at other times. On the spectatoring front, I think most of this is that I’m too focused on my wife’s pleasure and basically none on my own. This follows suit with how I’ve tended to put everyone else’s needs in front of my own. But regardless I’m hoping this is a breakthrough of sorts and can change how I approach sexual situations with her. I don’t want it to swing to 100% on me and 0% on her desires, because that’s no good either. Am I off base or on the right track? Any thoughts/suggestions? Stay positive everyone!
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I’m in the same boat. The inner critic tells me I’m not good enough, so I pressure myself to perform perfectly for my partner with no thought to my own pleasure. I think and hope that working on realizing one’s inherent worth will help with receiving pleasure and maintaining erections.
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I should add that my wife and I are on the same page of what we like. So it’s not different wants. More that I need to focus more on syncing up my brain with my sensations, reducing the strength of my thoughts and focus on being physically in the moment.
Same. My worry is that in order to get out of my own head and be in the moment will just add more thoughts that I need to get out of my head and be in moment, leading to further noise. Thinking on all of the techniques seems like it will just get more in the way.
I focussed on making sure my girlfriend “having a good time” to hide my ED issues… I.e. at least I can do that as her man. And that worked …….for a while, but I’ve moved on by using Mojo, and now (only today in fact ) I’ve managed to please her… not panic when I lost my erection ……relax enough and defeat the doubts… get hard… stay hard… then focus on me………. Which she liked……(that’s the important bit…. ) enjoy my own orgasm and ….well it’s a big step forward…
I suppose it’s a case if choosing when and where to focus… but it’s taken a while to get here… but I’m here… and I’m happy … I’m still working at it… and sometimes I think I’m over thinking… but today… mojo worked.
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That’s great! Keep it up and it’ll pay off long term. I’m realizing that I used to be better at that approach before having issues, because it just happened instead of being more intentional. But feeling optimistic now that I have a clearer picture
I hear that. My thoughts here are that I’ll be more attentive to breathing and how my body feels, and less about focused on “doing the right thing”. Outside of sex, I’m going to be more intentional about doing the visualization and body scan meditations regularly.
I can completely relate to this. My inner critic was strong this weekend. My gf and I hadn’t seen each other for weeks. We went camping and played for 4 days, I was only to penetrate once for less than a minute before going soft. She’s very supportive and understanding and we talked but I felt awful about it. I still do.
I try and please and focus on her win other ways, which she fully enjoys, but I wish I could do more. Creates the sense of inadequacy because previous partners could easily do what I can’t but really, really want to do. 
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