Laughing is a trigger for me. I know it shouldn’t be because it’s fun and nice to laugh but I guess I just think the laughing makes it funny and not sexy and spectatoring comes into play
The moment before penetration
Definitely putting on the condom kills the erection. We’ve moved to a phase where we’re trying to get pregnant and this has temporarily helped. Now there are two situations that get in the way - changing positions, or the other issue I have is sometimes the erection is fine and I can’t reach orgasm. As soon as I become aware that things have gone on too long and I’m not getting there, poof…instant deflation.
Putting on a condom has always been an erection killer and so is lubing up my partner with or without condoms as I think about what I’m going to do with the messy fingers afterwards and before sex.
The performance anxiety can even start in a bar etc, when I first approach a girl. As explained in this module, the spectating begins and the entire focus goes toward my body.
If moment isn’t perfect, spectatoring kicks in pretty soon, then can’t keep it, failure ensues, rinse and repeat
Myself whining that I don’t get enough attention before my girlfriend would like me to start penetrative sex
Foreplay
putting on a condom, being with a new partner, transitioning from foreplay to penetration
When I feel I’m expected to take control. I have to be the top doing the motions and such. Certain positions like standing. The idea that I’m taking too long to get going.
I’m surprised to see a few other members commenting that they also have anxiety and trouble keeping an erection when standing up.
I thought it was just me, and that maybe it was a physical problem that was overlooked.
But maybe it’s just easier to lose it when you’re standing if you have anxiety. Like the combination of standing and anxiety is a double whammy perhaps?
I think I need to work on fighting my inner critic telling me I will lose it if I stand up.
Stopping to use Lube
When I’m transitioning from foreplay to the actual sex, I tend to focus too much on what my penis is doing. Once I feel the desire to go I tend to focus on what’s going on instead of letting what happens naturally happen. I feel more confident in her being on top (because I tend to masturbate while laying in my back), but if I go to another more upright position I feel like I’m not big enough and that thought tends to make me deflate.
“Stopping” to put the condom on feels like just that - an interruption. It allows just enough time for the automatic critical thoughts to fire through my mind, stifling the mood and making me begin to lose my erection. Sometimes the moments before penetration will do the same. I think I view it as a transition which breaks the continuity of the entire act of sex, which should be one congruent thing, not something in parts or steps.
After putting the condom on or just before we are about to have sex are the two key ones for me
I definitely struggle with spectatoring and just getting in my head is this going to be the time I can’t keep it up and I struggle with it. I think that I deal with that for most of it. I also get like lost in my head that maybe I’m not good enough sexually, physically, or mentally for sex and that gets really problematic.
Not hearing moaning
Somewhere between foreplay and intercourse is where I feel myself start to become anxious and then spectatoring starts and it’s game over.
Putting on a condom and attempting penetration
If I’m making out with a girl and she reaches for my belt it triggers that fight or flight response and my inner critic starts saying “well, here you go, mate. Night’s over.”