My wife loves to use toys and so do I, and when I try to put a cock ring on, that is a killer for me. It also happens when I am performing oral sex and then I start thinking about penetration and then worrying if I can get it up etc then I start to lose it.
Condoms, an awkward remark or move, the mere act of moving from foreplay to penetrative sex can act as triggers for me.
Sometimes condoms or anytime I start to feel it go soft. I then begin spectatoring as given as an example earlier. I too also over think and think about refactoring etc.
Spectatoring
Inserting my penis finally
Times where it hasn’t worked
A slight lessening of erection, condoms, doubt. All lead to spectatoring. Now I’m watching and worrying rather than participating and enjoying.
Because I fear my erection may not be hard enough, the slightest transition (foreplay to intercourse) makes me worry about loosing it entirely.
Going from foreplay to penetration or even taking off clothes. Really anything intermission has the potential to get me into a panic.
Normally once I’ve gotten my erection I’m good to go. I relax and settle into the fun. But every once in a while during foreplay the critic chimes in and basically says it’s not going to happen. In the past i’ve struggled with the condom interruption as well.
Currently my wife and I are trying to conceive and their is a fair amount of process and timing associated with it. This pressure to perform on schedule I find to be a trigger for me.
I have it in my head that once we get to intercourse, everything will be fine…but until that point I am really anxious, it’s like a countdown to that point
Condoms, being in the room
Pain (real or assumed) for my partner
Trying to pleasure and keep the pleasure of my partner going
Definitely putting a condom on. I worry about going soft before I can penetrate. Sometimes if I can’t get it up and a girl gives me a blowjob, I get in my head about needing to get an erection which causes me to stay soft
I don’t typically have to use condoms. But its a come and go thing for me. I’ll start off fine and getting hard during foreplay. but then i’ll remember, oh well am i going to stay hard while im going down on her? and bam…the thoughts begin. and its really hard to get them to go away once i remember them. the first few times with my new partner were fine. it wasnt until i had a doubt once after coming up from being down on her and i wasnt fully erect enough for penetration. then i felt awkward and felt fear of being judged and not knowing what to do and it just went super downhill from there. now im in the cycle
First time w new partner
I’ve had issues with my erections for a while. It started when we had sex a lot and at the time she was stressed and wanted to have sex again but reflecting on it I was tired and stressed at the time as well as anxious about work. I felt a lot of pressure to make her feel better. I couldn’t get excited and she was disappointed so I felt even more anxious and it just snowballed from there and I was constantly spectatoring or trying to get hard when I wasn’t in the mood. Specific triggers are initiating sex, switching to a position where I’m not the active one, she stops it briefly for some reason (adjust angle etc) and sometimes the condom one
I almost always lose my erections whilst pleasuring my partner during foreplay which is annoying because in my ‘routine’ I usually like to penetrate directly after going down on them for example but after doing so am never hard enough to penetrate. Ever since the first time this happened as soon as I start going down those thoughts of failure and poor performance overwhelm my mind.
There are certain situations where I feel like my partner is not enjoying themselves and then I start to think, “Oh no, am I losing my erection.” …even if I am not yet losing my erection, and then its gone.
Pre-cum and condoms
I have alot of anxiety about being able to finish and I have only ever done that in missionary… so other positions give me anxiety. Doggy particularly, girl on top gives me anxiety after a while.