I’m currently seeing a girl who I really like, we’re about 4-5 dates in and things are going well. I have the house to myself next weekend and am contemplating asking if she wants to come around to my place after are date. On one hand I feel nervous that it might not work (worried of not being able to stay hard while in certain positions), but feel like I shouldn’t keep putting it off and go for it (thinking back to the spectatoring task - fun enough good enough) always do you guys think?
If you stop on trying you will never overcome that anxiety. This is what I keep on telling myself when I get into or plan sexual encounters.
Definitely go for it man. You’ve got it!
expose yourself to the fear of not performing, the worst thing that can happen is that you won’t get it up, but I assure you it’ll be good for the relationship anyway.
Knowing that that person is with you because of your qualities as a person, not because of your ability to pleasure her is game changing
What are you doing on your date? If you haven’t decided on anything how would you plan it out? A fancy dinner, her favorite hiking spot, going to a public library. Visualize how you want the evening to go. Do you have a fantasy about her? Use this as spank material. Use the soft penis pleasure exercise while you do and get accustomed to the idea of being soft while being in bed together. Don’t let the critic interfere. You are thinking about pleasure not failure. When you are together for the weekend let the scene play out. What is she wearing? Can you imagine her naked? What does she smell like? Let her stimulate all of your senses. Notice everything around you as if you had to describe it all in detail the next day. This could be a weekend you never forget, regardless of what your penis does or doesn’t do.
I was in a similar place a few weeks ago. I tried to keep the fear of failure out of my head and practised the square breathing exercises to keep relaxed. The visualisation technique is a great idea as it puts you in control of your thoughts.
It worked out well for me initially but we had a few fails subsequently. Talking after one it transpired we were both carrying anxiety. My girlfriend said the intimacy of being together naked was a massive thing for her and how that concluded didn’t matter.
My advice would be to get in a comfortable place to talk to her about your anxiety. If she is supportive, and most will be, it helps to overcome the fear. It also gives her a chance to discuss her feelings too.
Good luck.
I found that doing something new that is empowering helps a lot in those cases. Something that “give you the permission” to get hard and fool your brain that this time is different . One of those things could be taking viagra. Even though you probably don’t suffer from physical erection issues, taking viagra will supercharge your confidence because it is something new, a tool that is supposed to help you. It’s effect will be there, it won’t only be a placebo as it does dilate your blood vessels and facilitates blood circulation to the penis, but most of it will be in your mind, and you will notice the stronger hard you will get, which in turn will create a positive reinforcement loop, a kind of positive spectatoring.
Definitely have a go! Remember, whether to enjoy the weekend regardless of what happens! Def talk as well, let her know, you’ll find it helps ease things! Good luck!