So I had a mild episode of ED last night (took me a while to get it up - but eventually I did). My gf’s immediate reaction was that I am watching porn and checking out other girls online. she made me go and get the phone and show my FB search history.
Obviously, there was a mix of both girls and boys on it (I haven’t been checking out other girls but obviously a mixture of some show up).
Is this normal? I find this feeds my anxiety even more.
No it’s not, I’m sorry. Understand how that stresses you out more. I would have a conversation about it, that it’s not that, you can’t control it, and it’s not even related to her; hopefully that addresses her insecurities. Good luck!
Definitely worth the conversation. There’s an exercise somewhere on this app about having the conversation and um. Leaning into connections and that might REALLY help in this situation. Maybe a mod could unlock it for you.
You could start with, it’s not other people and it’s definitely not you. It’s me. I’m having this self talk/distraction issue and it comes up during sex and I start to lose focus a little.
She’s likely feeling very insecure without knowing how to react. Taking ownership will help her cool down. Showing her the app and asking her to participate in some of the partnered exercises will probably help too. Reminding her of all the sexy things she does can’t hurt.
Although, if that doesn’t work. Then she might have an attitude problem.
It seems to me that she is having trust issues in the relationship. She is already paranoid that any ED issue is from you wanting or even being with someone else, i.e. that you are or are going to cheat on her.
That’s something you should work on together. Some of that might mean explaining to her that ED issues doesn’t mean you are cheating or even seriously fantasizing about being with someone else.
It might be good to also talk about where her trust issues are coming from, but be really careful with that one. Make it not about attacking her or accusing her of anything, rather, make it about finding what may have happened to her and working together to figure out how to separate you from that fear in her head. Maybe she was cheated on in the past, and so is always afraid of it again. If that’s it, help her to understand that what happened to her was bad, but that you aren’t her ex who did that. Won’t fix things overnight (just like Mojo doesn’t either), but could help.