So basically I’ve always had ED and throughout my life I’ve had only 1 close to what I imagine good sex would mean (and I was a bit tipsy). I went to see a doctor to rule out that the issue might be health related and all my tests related to what might cause ED were showing that I’m in a perfect condition. So the issue is psychological.
The last 5-6 times when I end up being in bed with a partner and we start being sexual, I become very anxious about how I would perform, and every time it leads to ED and we end up not having sex because I don’t get hard enough to penetrate. And every time I feel horrible and want to sink in the ground. And this has been going on for so long.
The most recent occasion was with a girl that I met recently. Her history is that she had a long relationship that ended a bit before meeting me. We went to bed together and we reached the point where she saw my penis and I was not fully hard but not flat either if that makes sense and said “Oh, it’s kinda small, isn’t it” and I was like shocked and thought she is joking but she was serious. And again I couldn’t get hard enough for penetration. But her words got stuck in my head and I can’t stop thinking “Why did she even say that”, “Ig it means that her ex’s is way bigger than mine” and so on. And before that I was never really concerned about my size especially because of what my previous partner was saying and simply because I thought it’s a good size. But ever since she said that I cannot not doubt it and hence be anxious about this too on top of the performance anxiety.
Further, after the ED which resulted in no sex, she said that she never had an experience where a guy can’t get hard which further made me think “She always had such pleasant sexual experiences with her ex while I can’t even fuck her and his is sm bigger” and these thoughts can’t leave my mind. Would I ever overcome this. I feel so bad, I just want for once to have a good, pleasant sexual experience…