Hello all, since I had ED issues the last years, I have not much sexual experience, and the sexual adventures I had were not the best. So I would like to ask advice about sexual situations.
Feel free to add your general advice but also I have some specific questions: (they may sound very simple)
What are the most appropriate poses to start simply and easily without having much experience
During sex what is the most common place (or most obvious) to finish?
Inside condom while having interaction? (Isn’t it dangerous for the condom to break?)
Inside condom while getting outside of her just before?
Somewhere else that she will also like?
What is the average duration from the
moment that penetration starts until the finish?
Thank you so much in advance!
My recommendation would be to not worry about any of this and focus on the connection with your partner. Relax, think about their enjoyment and yours. Take your time and make sure you communicate, even if it’s non-verbal.
There’s nothing more important than recognizing that you’re having a moment with another person but neither of you have to do anything you don’t want. So take it slow and feel your way through it.
Start off by just touching, kissing, getting closer. Enjoy the process of removing your clothes, feeling skin on skin. Take time to appreciate all those sensations. Make sure she’s ready to move on to sexual touching at each step. Consent can be clearly indicated by touch and eye contact and if you’re truly connecting, you’ll be able to tell what she wants and if she wants more.
It doesn’t matter how long it lasts. It’s best to be safe with new partners but after that, it doesn’t matter where you come. Try not to worry about details or strategy or worry about what will happen. Just connect and pay attention to what she wants.
Missionary. Doggy style. That’s really all you need. Just with a few personal twists!
I usually do inside condom while interaction. Never had a problem like that with a brand like Skyn. You can tell her you’re about to finish and she’ll sometimes tell you to do on her back, in which you have consent to do so.
Depends. If we measure the duration from start to finish, I’d say 5 minutes. But if we add in switching positions, dirty talking while stopping, and other fun things in sex, then it could from 10-20 minutes.
Other than that, technique isn’t that important. The most important thing is you’re in the present moment. The more present, the easier these things come to you. And presence is so much better than performance. Remember that.
I’d suggest that having your partner on top is a very good idea. Gives you hands free to appreciate her body and, if she likes, stroke her clit (some women love, some women, my wife included, hate). She hopefully knows her body and what she likes!
Where to finish? Given that my first child was conceived through a split condom and my partner using the pill, I’d strongly suggest eating a condom and pulling out. But that’s just me!
Somewhere else she’d like? That really depends on your partner. Porn would make you believe most women want you to who out and finish on their faces… no! Just, no! [A minority of women do like that; I’ve met precisely one!]
Duration. As long or as short as it happens. Anywhere between a few minutes and maybe fifteen minutes, tops. Again, don’t believe porn!
Missionary and doggy style are the most common. Girl on top too.
If you’re wearing a condom, and having PIV sex, it would be a little weird to not come in her V, unless she wants it somewhere else. Yes, condoms break, and you should be aware that they can break and aren’t 100% perfect, but the whole point of them is to keep it all in.
They say 5 - 5 and a half minutes is average. My average is closer to 10 seconds or so.
Cum while inside her but cum together. Best connection ever! Positions only matter if that’s how she needs to get off. My girl has to be on top. Take your time unless you both just need to get off quickly. A few minutes or half an hour. I personally don’t like condoms because they desensitized me. That also means I have two children, got lucky 1000 other times, and dealt with an STD. Find what you like, what turns you on, and make it fun and special. My most favorite time Is laying in bed naked together, decompresing, holding her, looking at her, and just talking forever afterwards.
I would not get too hung up on things; just enjoy the moment. However, to answer your questions:
Usually, missionary or girl on top are the first positions. After that, it’s whatever the two of you both enjoy and consent to. With my current wife, it was missionary for several weeks. With the lover prior to her, we did most positions the first night. It just depends.
Most of the time, you will finish inside the condom the first time. Yes, they can break, but no birth control is 100% outside of abstinence. Again, after the first time, you can tell each other what you want to do.
Average duration varies. I’ve had times where I’m inside her, leave her to do something else, go back inside, etc. I’ve had times where I’ve lasted long enough to be asked to finish. On the other hand, I’ve had times where it felt so good that I finished in under a minute.
No big deal. I tell her that it feels so good that I’m going to be a teenage boy and cum fast. I do, and I then make sure she gets hers. Occasionally, I’m able to get hard enough to enter her again.
Just enjoy it. Worrying about things is how most of us ended up here.
Positions are just preference. Doggy style can be a little less personal which might help if you’re stressing about pressure, judgement, and eye contact, but also means you aren’t getting the facial feedback from your partner that you get with missionary, so that’s probably my rec for getting into a good rhythm and figuring out what they like. Focusing on their responses can also get me out of my head sometimes and be an ego boost.
Orgasm in the condom during sex is probably most common and pleasurable, but it always good to ask what your partner prefers. There is less risk if if you withdraw first, but it is kinda a higher level skill since it can also be difficult to time and still enjoy extra stuff when you’re on the edge.
I think the clinical avg duration is like 3-10 min, but really the satisfaction tends to come from the build up which happens before actual penetration. Foreplay is more impressive.
Has ever someone in here had their mouth go dry while having sex? What does it mean is just me?
The fight-or-flight response doesn’t just move blood away from the penis and to your muscles. It also moves fluid away from your mouth and to your sweat glands!
Lots of people get dry mouth before public speaking or an interview for the same reason.
So there’s a chance that your mouth going noticeably dry during sex is due to a stress response. But I also think anyone would get a dry mouth eventually if they’re having sex in hot conditions or without hydrating enough beforehand.
Thanks everyone for the amazing replies.
They do help a lot indeed!
Good luck everybody on your own journey!
I was married for a long time and my wife passed away. I took care of her for over 10 years due to multiple cancers. I now have a new partner. I have ED for the first time. Before we had any sexual relations, we had discussed a few things. She is into fun kink, but she also has some painful intercourse. I promised to take it easy, I did not realize it was going to be no intercourse due to my ED. How convenient for her!
I was a little embarrassed at first. But I did not let it stop us from having a great time. We enjoyed each other’s bodies, got into different kinks and I pleased her orally. The trick is to take her to the edge of orgasm multiple times before letting her cum.
I am still satisfied, but not as satisfied as I could be.
Afterwards, we discussed what to do. I went to the doctor and got Viagra. It did nothing for me. I figured it must be psychological. I do get hard in the mornings. I am starting to get hard with my new partner. It does not last.
I’m trying different things. I am starting therapy because I am still in the later stages of grief and I have had multiple changes in my life recently to cause anxiety. I am starting an exercise program. I started this program.
We will see what works. Meanwhile, it has been rather convenient for her. No painful intercourse. We are addressing that problem too. As an older female, I think she is a bit dry. We are trying different lubricants. Sunflower massage oil seems to be the best solution so far. If it is still painful when we have intercourse, we will address that problem further.
Keep the communication open no matter what! If it is physical or psychological, ED is a medical condition that needs to be addressed just like any other medical issue. Think about it like a broken bone. How long would you let that go before getting it addressed.
Hello, it’s good that she understands you and that there is communication, this is very important to make things become better.
Also I see that you are trying continuously to improve and find solutions for the challenges so it is matter of time to have a sexual life you enjoy 100%. Because with the appropriate actions things can get better.
Good luck in your journey!
hello everyone, i am from earth in 2023. 2024 and then so on.
It’s not a mechanical timetabled process. It’s all about pleasing the other person, enjoying caressing and kissing and taking your time. Let the sensations and desire slowly absorb you both and then slowly and passionately enjoy the physical climax.
Inside a condom is safe inside or out!
I’m in my late 40s, married 18 yrs. How long are guys lasting at this age? When I do get hard and start penetration, I can’t last more than 5 mins. If I stop, I get soft and worry about getting hard again.
In my experience something about missionary is better for the erection/bloodflow so its my favorite. Focusing on grinding/humping rather than poking feels better for both sides imo, YMMV.
In the condom for sure, use your judgment on how much you want to risk breakage (are you stretching the condom out already by being big?). Risk exists, just be smart about it. If they want elsewhere they’ll let you know. Share fantasies! If you both want cum on their back or face or tits, everyone’s happy, COMMUNICATE
It’s vastly different for everyone. And it depends a lot on how sensitive you are through the condom. It’ll take experience to know where you lie. If you’re on the shorter side, be considerate and pleasure them in other ways. If they have an issue with that, you never have to see them again (and frankly imo you SHOULD make that choice. Respect and love yourself)
I find it hard to climax during sex. Is there any tips/ advice you can give me