I am in a relationship with a woman, we have been together for a year now, and I had erection issues at the beginning because of performance anxiety. Ive slowly gotten over that and we have sex without issue.
The problem is, I feel im always initiating, and I feel a bit pressured in a way because I somewhat dont feel desired and sex seems like a chore. She has told me she has low libido and put it on me to initiate but I just still dont like it that way because I can’t tell if she wants to get in the mood at the moment I want to. Even me throwing out hints or having a hard on pressed up against her and me kissing her doesnt engage her. I have to actually say “let’s have sex” or some other way, then there is no foreplay and forces me to try and be rock hard because I even say anything. I dont know about any other guy, but I can’t get rock hard in 10 seconds to penetrate, I need proper foreplay.
How do I navigate this? I know my gf loves me, but its hard for me to always have to pursue and it feels like a task. We also dont live together so it makes it even hard to have consistent sex. It can then become weeks of no sex as a result and I dont like that. What should I do?
Dude…. I’m married, and in similar scenario.. except she says no 98% of the time… sound like at least she says yes when you initiate. If sex is import at all to you, then don’t get married - you’re not sexually compatible. Fairly sure my ED comes from my own spectatoring, but also because wife makes little effort to be into it and totally a chore, so it dampens my mood. You need to find someone compatible - especially in girlfriend stage!!
Thanks for your feedback. Its hard because we talked of this dynamic and thats how she is, but im just not used to always trying to initiate. I feel it shouldn’t be like that. I also haven’t had a lot of sex in my life and im 33, so I do want to engage more. But I dont want to go weeks without sex and if I dont initiate then we just dont have it. And I dont want to make the relationship like its all about sex. But its like im afraid to initiate sometimes. I dont if that sounds weird. But I’ll be rock hard and want to initiate and dont. Because I hate having to explicitly say “I want to have sex” that takes the romance and fun out of it.
That’s just weird. Making you say it? The lump in your pants and kisses on her neck weren’t enough?
Kinda sounds like Frosty the SnowWife… (not poking fun- I had one too!) I was heartbroken when she left and now I have the most wonderful woman and were totally sexually compatible! She’s even on board helping me with my PED and death grip.
You can’t be the one to ALWAYS initiate…
Come to think of it- I am usually the one making first move, but she’s expecting it as she’ll put on something sexy when she’s getting ready for bed….