I (28M) have had ED issues for years from what I thought were mainly physiological. However, I recently had my doctor order a testosterone level test and it came back really low (around 150). He referred me to an endocrinologist but I haven’t established care yet.
This was validating and that there’s nothing wrong with my attraction towards my wife and there is a problem with my body chemistry that is partly causing issues.
While I wait to go meet with the endocrinologist and treat my low testosterone, I am still experiencing some anxiety around my body feeling broken and my libido is suffering even more because of it.
I want to show my wife that I am attached to her and I want to initiate sex, but I am rarely horny and I feel like a ball of nerves when thinking about initiating foreplay.
For those of you who have a lower libido and sex anxiety, what are the ways that you initiate sex/foreplay with your partner with little to no nervousness?
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Hi @visible-azure-hornet
I’m here to let you know you’re not alone in this. Just yesterday, I attempted to get intimate with my partner and it was a complete disaster. It has been a few weeks since we last had sex and I was really looking forward to it. But my performance was subpar – my arousal not quite living up to expectations.
Now, I’m just as confused and lost as you might be. I can’t figure out if the issue is trying to initiate intimacy while having low arousal or if it would be a wiser choice to only engage when I am feeling genuinely aroused and fully confident about fulfilling the act.
If anyone has some helpful advice or insight, your advice would be greatly appreciated.
For a 28m with testosterone that low, it makes me think you’re not lifting weights or exercising (at all) or are possibly very overweight. I would start there before you go to the endocrinologist and take exogenous testosterone. Your body naturally produces it when it has the need to do so. If your muscles aren’t being used or challenged most days of the week, there is little need to make the stuff. Men, historically, had more physical jobs that did the job, but nowadays, if you’re not exercising (75-150 min/wk aerobic exercise in the vigorous to moderate intensity level, AND 2x/wk resistance training for each major muscle group with focus on compound movements) no wonder testosterone is low. There probably isn’t much wrong with your body outside of that unless you have some rare genetic disease. I wouldn’t trust the medical system to correct your testosterone at your age…they don’t educate people on the basics of what normal living should be and how the body naturally works without drugs.
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Oh yeah I’m definitely not at an ideal weight and I don’t get enough exercise. My doctor recommended these changes to be the best first course of action while also referring me to Endo to test for any other underlying issues.
I am currently working on making those lifestyle changes (already down 5 lbs). In the meantime, while I’m still experiencing low testosterone/libido, I was wondering if there were tips for initiating sex when I’m not naturally horny at the moment but still want to put in the effort and helping my arousal in the process. The hardest thing for me is actually starting the initiation without the fear of getting hard or maintaining an erection enough for sex.
My wife gets discouraged when I don’t get hard during foreplay and without her having to constantly touch my dick.