My wife is beautiful but after going through a month of not being able to get it up for her, with a few exceptions, I just am not excited or horny for her, more fear that I will disappoint. I might try to get hard first with the concern I cannot maintain a erection around her. Unfortunately, I have been supplementing with porn or other things but realize this is moving me backwards. Her breasts used to be enough but now I feel nothing. How do I get past all of these mental blocks so I can desire her again?
Sadly no easy solution. Iāve had the same problem for years and Iām (relatively) young. Iād say that if youāre older, it could be low T, you should get it checked and if itās too low, they might try testosterone therapy. Or if this problem wasnāt present before, it could be due to a traumatic event, in that case you should talk to a psych doctor. There are probably other causes.
I would encourage you to reevaluate those feelings to see if that is actually the truth or if itās a defense or coping mechanism your brain Is tricking you with
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I agree with the message aboveā¦. Fear of disappointment caused me to not instigate sexā¦ which meant I kinda lost the urge. I even began to resent my partnerā¦ even though she was fantasticā¦ā¦BUTā¦. I tried the āsimmeringāā¦. I can remember what lesson it wasā¦. And it really helpsā¦. You kind of keep the spark going in yourselfā¦ itās hard to explainā¦ and you have to confront your fear a littleā¦ but it sort of āgets you readyā in your headā¦.
Iām possibly not making senseā¦ because this it tricky stuffā¦ but try the simmeringā¦ and donāt lose faith
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What were the āfew exceptionsā you mentioned where you could get it up? What happened in those scenarios that was different and allowed you to perform and connect? How can you intentionally recreate those scenarios if you wanted to, tonight for example ?
I recently got married and went through the same sort of thing. #1 most important is to cold turkey porn and honestly even masturbation all together. We tried to do some minor role playing (massage therapist) lol and it helped me take my time, made it more exciting and not so much like a routine, helped me appreciate her body, and got me the hardest I had been in months. I encourage you to try something similar, it can be anything you guys think of.
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