Not excited by my wife

My wife is beautiful but after going through a month of not being able to get it up for her, with a few exceptions, I just am not excited or horny for her, more fear that I will disappoint. I might try to get hard first with the concern I cannot maintain a erection around her. Unfortunately, I have been supplementing with porn or other things but realize this is moving me backwards. Her breasts used to be enough but now I feel nothing. How do I get past all of these mental blocks so I can desire her again?

Sadly no easy solution. I’ve had the same problem for years and I’m (relatively) young. I’d say that if you’re older, it could be low T, you should get it checked and if it’s too low, they might try testosterone therapy. Or if this problem wasn’t present before, it could be due to a traumatic event, in that case you should talk to a psych doctor. There are probably other causes.

I would encourage you to reevaluate those feelings to see if that is actually the truth or if it’s a defense or coping mechanism your brain Is tricking you with

1 Like

I agree with the message above…. Fear of disappointment caused me to not instigate sex… which meant I kinda lost the urge. I even began to resent my partner… even though she was fantastic……BUT…. I tried the “simmering”…. I can remember what lesson it was…. And it really helps…. You kind of keep the spark going in yourself… it’s hard to explain… and you have to confront your fear a little… but it sort of “gets you ready” in your head….
I’m possibly not making sense… because this it tricky stuff… but try the simmering… and don’t lose faith

1 Like

What were the ‘few exceptions’ you mentioned where you could get it up? What happened in those scenarios that was different and allowed you to perform and connect? How can you intentionally recreate those scenarios if you wanted to, tonight for example ?

I recently got married and went through the same sort of thing. #1 most important is to cold turkey porn and honestly even masturbation all together. We tried to do some minor role playing (massage therapist) lol and it helped me take my time, made it more exciting and not so much like a routine, helped me appreciate her body, and got me the hardest I had been in months. I encourage you to try something similar, it can be anything you guys think of.

1 Like