Loss of erection with Wife

Even if I am horny, many times I will lose my erection when seeing my wife. She is attractive but I also went through trauma last year and she started a relationship with someone else behind my back. While we have reconciled I only really started having problems in the last month I still carry some of that resentment. I get stressed, my heartbeat increases, anything I have a full erection it starts to go softer while seeing her. When she is in the mood, I am much less likely to even get an erection. It’s as if I cannot get aroused by her even when I want to. While I can easily get it up with porn, I cannot even be in the same room to do that and then it is a rush to the vagina before there’s a possibility of getting soft. Any recommendations?

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Sounds like you guys have a lot more to talk about in terms of her affair and getting past it. There’s a lot more to unpack than we could go into here. My recommendation would be couples counseling.


Your options are to either divorce her because your resentment towards her and her affair is obviously causing a divide, or get over it and forgive her. Understand maybe why she had an affair in the first place. Ask yourself questions on how you can better show up for her and for yourself. Also monogamy is a broken concept- it could be helpful to switch your understanding of what it means to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship.