That my self worth is tied to my sexual performance
While transitioning from a massage to penetration I began to lose my erection. Immediately I started thinking, “not again”, “you’ve got to do this, or she will think you are a failure”, “don’t disappoint her again”.
My partner is OK with me losing an erection we have discussed it before and all she cares about is the closeness and intimacy. It’s when I then close up and disappear into my own head (to berate myself) that ruins the experience for her. Just being together and enjoying our bodies is enough, there are other ways to pleasure. She loves me for more than just my penis.
What if I can’t stay hard during sex and she doesn’t want to sleep with me again?
Instead - what if I do stay hard and have the best sex of my life? I know can if I can just stay relaxed.
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I felt like I disappointed my partner when I initially couldn’t stay hard during foreplay.
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She wasn’t disappointed, and when I eventually got hard, and we had penetrative sex, she said how much she enjoyed it.
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This was the first time that we’d had sex, and the first time I’d had sex in a year, so it’s understandable that I was nervous. I have faith that it will be better next time
I refused to have sex or even try because I was worried (fortune telling) I wouldn’t get it up or lose it once we started. Truth is my inner critic was telling me that it would not happen and I listened & got stressed out. I usually take a pill but decided it has to stop and I need to face this properly and because of this I had no belief in myself to perform. I feel shame that I have not tackled this sooner and make her feel shit when she is gorgeous. She didn’t actually try to have any foreplay just demanded it. I should have tried and can usually relax it does not happen every time, I could have told her we could try in the morning or the following day when I was feeling less stressed. If I just be in the moment and really feel instead of ‘spectatoring’ and over thinking then it won’t happen.
I must be gay because this has happened lots…. I have never fantasised about men I am really into girls… my problem is a negative relationship with porn has caused a disconnect between my brain/penis. I started to compare myself constantly with porn stars which killed my self esteem. I am willing to put in the work to reprogram my brain and rid myself of the negative thoughts which have ruined my life.
I get in my head so much leading up to sex that when it starts to happen I’ve built up the idea I’ll fail and create a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s fortune telling with no real reason to believe it’ll happen that way.
I can reprogram my worry that my erection is not hard enough to penetrate and that it will never reach that point.
When I am in foreplay and I am not hard yet I feel like I will never get hard and I am telling myself that I cannot get hard.
- I dont have any evidence that it will never happen. I have had erections before.
- It is ok if I dont get hard right away. It can take some time, and doesnt have to be instant. I dont have to be ready on command.
I cum fast during oral sex and couldn’t get hard again. Im catastrophizing things.
Facts: I was tired, new place, not enough fresh air-oxygen (its important for me) and her comments made me think i wont another round.
I do have prone masterbatiom problem. I did stop it. I am recovering and I will recover. I will have beyter erections soon. I can already see the changes.
I get hard easy and as a young man suffered with cumming much to early…. I’ve recently divorced after a fairly sexless 20 year marriage, with a partner who didn’t like sex with me. Trying to come to terms with not being 28 anymore. And meeting people at 48 I feel out of practice. The gremlins in my head either mean several things…. Sometimes I stay hard and can’t cum… sometimes it starts hard and after a while I can feel it losing hardness and going soft. I have an understanding partner but it makes me feel pissed off and less
Of a man. In life I can make most things happen with more time and effort, whether that be fitness, business, relationship… but E.D does not work like that it can hit me in the masculinity and insecurities really hard… completing the loop of failure… As much as I try not to think it I do and ultimately it feeds back into the situation in hand.
Because this has happened multiple times, it makes sense that I get anxious when I try to have sex. But I can get over this by working on it diligently
Yhm
I should be hard already.
My partner wants sex tonight I don’t think I’ll get an erection
Couldn’t get hard.
Means our marriage is screwed because it’s happened too many times.
Replace with ‘this sucks right now but doesn’t always have to happen ‘.
I was anxious about getting an erection and keeping it hard with my beautiful wife even thought we have had sex thousands of times. In my head I keep dreading the act even though I yearn for it with her. I pleasured her with my fingers anyways and she came and we still had an intimate and great time. My anxieties largely flow from the last month of overthinking when I failed to get hard twice in a row which now seem to dominate my thoughts during intimate moments even though we have a long history of great sex and kids.
She’s disappointed I couldn’t stay hard and didn’t finish her or myself
- Oh and here we go: I’m all flask again!
- Last time we couldn’t even penetrate, wheras this time it worked for quite a few minutes. Let’s see how it works next time!