Letting my thoughts dictate what I think I am, cut myself some slack for if I’m outside my comfort zone, focus on and enjoy the moment and take it from there
Negative thought:
‘ I have trouble getting it up when with a partner’ -overgeneralization
Reprogrammed thought:
‘ I have had times with a partner where I successfully got an erection, where it felt effortless, and when I felt at ease and enjoyed myself. This means this can happen again’
Thought: Why the hell can’t I get hard right now? She must miss sex with certain other partners that probably blew her mind.
Alternative thought: We tried to have sex in the morning and unless I was in a deep sleep and wake up with morning wood, it is hard for me to get and keep an erection. My partner understands that I was tired and still waking up, so I don’t have evidence that she misses sex with certain other partners.
The first time I had sex I was hard rock during foreplay and on the I had to put condom I went soft, since then I always think that this is permanent. I believe that this is only on my head I need to get out from this loop. I will stop spectatoring and be there and enjoy sex. It is not a test, I will just enjoy the moment
If it happens once we will think about it every time…
I think if I don’t get hard then I have failed sex.
However, my partner is so understanding and is satisfied with the other ways that I please her.
Negative thought: I am a failure because I lost my erection
New thought: I am completely safe and secure if I lose my erection. Losing my erection is normal.
If I can’t get hard during masturbation without a lot of work there is no way I’ll be able to have sex with a girl
I’m always going to have this issue is not a true thing to believe.
I couldn’t get it up with my wife when she wore lingerie, i felt the pressure to make her feel like she turned me on, she joked that she ‘obviously doesn’t look that good’ which added pressure, we ended up doing it though and afterwards she understood and said don’t overthink it as thats why it happens
“If I don’t put the condom on fast enough and penetrate immediately after foreplay, I’m going to lose my erection and this sexual session will end.” This is some all or nothing thinking.
Facts - I put this random rule on myself that I have to penetrate quickly because it’s happened in the past that I have lost my erection in between putting the condom on and penetrating. I’ve convinced myself that it’s a rule despite nothing in my system being hardwired such that I have to follow it. I can understand my anxiety this will happen again, but I don’t understand why I’ve decided on this specific rule for myself.
I lost my erection during intercourse. That always happens and will probably happen next time. Except last time I focused on my negative thoughts and that was causing me anxiety which stopped me from enjoying sex. And there have been times this hasn’t happened in the past. So if I focus on more positive and logical thoughts instead of listening to my inner critic, my chances of this happening are lower and I will have more fun.
After failing to finish, I felt a failure and that it’d give negative thoughts to a partner. She was very understanding and able to recognise that it wasn’t to do with her, she was also supportive and not disappointed
Losing an erection isn’t normal
That she thinks it is her fault I can’t stay hard and thinks it is her responsibility to help me orgasm.
I lost my virginity to my current girlfriend. I couldn’t really get too hard and I couldn’t stay hard. Yeah there was penetration but it didn’t last long at all. She cried after because she was upset that she couldn’t even make a virgin get hard.
I had desensitizing condoms because I thought it would be the opposite and I wanted to last longer, it was my first time, I was nervous and had performance anxiety. It’s still hard for me to get hard but she knows I’m working on it and she loves me
I lost my virginity to my current girlfriend. I couldn’t get too hard and I couldn’t keep an erection. After she cried and felt like she was more a failure cuz she couldn’t get a virgin hard.
Why is this happening to me??
I had desensitized condoms on cuz I thought it would be the opposite so it was hard for me to feel her, it was my first time, I was nervous, I wanted to be perfect for her and got performance anxiety.
We talked it out and she feels better knowing it’s not her, she still loves me and supports me and we’re taking it very slow now
I’m scared that if I can’t figure this out my girlfriend will leave me. I know she’s more than that and is wholly supportive of me
My erection is guaranteed to stop early or struggle
- it doesn’t need to be present in the first place to feel pleasure, I don’t need to think about it
I preemptively tell myself I won’t get it up and there for not of value as a result