I have a lot. I fortune tell which causes anxiety and I scare myself by thinking I’m not going to get it up when it comes time. I also mind read thinking my wife will be unhappy with me if I don’t get hard or lose an erection and that causes pressure. I also worry about keeping it up and overthink my performance and if I’ll keep her pleased. If I don’t get hard immediately or I get hard, lose it and it doesn’t come back I doubt myself and feel like I need 20 minutes for a reset. I want to be able to deliver an erection when I’m turned on and it’s like my dick and desires are on two separate pages.
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Last time I had sex I couldn’t het it up and cum inside.
Fortune telling is a big one for me and it seems others just the thought of not getting hard again especially in foreplay cause it can become so embarrassing and stressful which makes it’s worse and the categorical imperative doesn’t help because I feel I must be rock hard and if I’m not I’m not attracted to my partner. But it’s been helpful to really sit with these unpleasant feelings and thoughts and critique them and think on the facts that actually no I get hard almost every time and a few bad times doesn’t all of a sudden ruin that for me. And also instead of feeling like I must get hard sometimes even taking a short break is helpful then remembering
I’m doing this cause it’s fucking fun and connecting back into the present and just observing the beauty of my partner helps.
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I find myself a little bit in all of them and get lost… I forget to enjoy the moment and the kind words my partner has to share about me
Pretty much all of them in varying degrees. I’m trying to figure out how to refute and empty myself of these thoughts while in the act, but it’s very difficult even after identifying them to think about them categorically and to address each thought individually. It’s clear that the negative thoughts are largely irrational, but trying to tell myself that while they’re hurtling at me and still stay present is super difficult.
i don’t need to give her the time of her life every single time for her to keep liking me
If she really loves you she will stay
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Not performing one time does not make me less of a man
How can you boost libido and testosterone naturally?
This is not the perfect spot/environment to have sex.
This is a good spot to have sex. Sex does not have to be perfect.
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- all or nothing thinking: i am a failure/letting my partner down because my erection was 100% rigid BUT there have been times where i’ve noticed I’ve gone soft and my partner hasn’t noticed. I can satisfy her even when i’m not at my best because she thinks I’m so sexy which gets her aroused enough that i don’t need to be on top form constantly. She tells me it but i don’t believe it and i should
One thought I can reprogram today is I AM attracted enough to my fiancé. She brings me so much sexual pleasure and joy and i do not need to put so much
emphasis on me cumming for her or not. I don’t need to guilt or shame myself when I think other women are pretty because they are not my fiancé and her inner beauty shines just as bright as her outer beauty.
I know I can satisfy her and she enjoys it. I can keep it going
Disqualifying the positive - I couldn’t get it up and it wad frustrating to me. But we had a great, close time in bed thst we both enjoyed. And I made her cum multiple times which I know she enjoyed, so why didn’t I focus more on that?
Overgeneralisation, mind reading. He wasn’t enjoying me topping, I’m a bad top.
He told me he enjoyed it, it’s liked me topping before
i can have a normal sex life
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I know I can get through this and have a full and enjoyable sex life
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She’ll think I’m not turned on by her because I’m not erect
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Just because something happened doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again.
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I know it’s in there. I need to not be so quick to think that I am going to fail
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