So in my previous relationship of 8 years we had a very open relationship, we would regularly have other people join us for sexual encounters, men and women. I would watch my girlfriend have sex with other men often in threesomes, even sometimes she would have sex with other guys without my and just film or get photos of the experience for me to view later. We also had lots of threesomes with other girls, however it was 70-80% other men as it was easier to find men interested in our situation than women. Watching my girlfriend with other men became a real pleasurable experience for me. But in my new relationship (4 years together) my current partner is not in to that sort of thing. But I almost feel like I need to see my partner with another man to properly get off and be aroused. This has made me regularly watch porn, specifically hotwife and cuckold categories. But itās got to a point now where I feel like I canāt even get properly excited over regular sex. I sometimes think maybe my partner isnāt the right person for me even though sheās perfect in every other aspect.
Just to be clear I love my partner, but our sexual desires are very different. At the same time Iām also aware my desires are quite out of the ordinary, so I feel like Iām the one who should be working on that rather than her trying to fulfil my unusual desires.
So do you have to imagine a scenario to have sex with your new(er) partner?
Yeah but sometimes imagining isnāt enough. Often I try talk about my fantasies during sex (dirty talk sort of thing) but my partner often doesnāt want to do that
Hmm I understand your problem. Me and my girl are talking about inviting another guy in the bedroom. The idea is a turn on but Iām worried it could have negative consequences for me in particular. Really hoping not though lol. So is she completely against it? Or somewhat open to the idea of your kinky side? It seems like once youāve done some kinky stuff you never really want to go plain again? Thatās my thoughts anyways.
Why do you think it may be a problem for you? I find itās the thing that turns me on the most personally. We have done it once but she didnāt like it so weāve never done it again, she says she only did it because she knew I liked it but after doing it she didnāt feel good about herself. I donāt want her doing things she doesnāt enjoy just for my sexual pleasure so we havenāt done it since, but even talking about it during sex she is not keen on so I find it really hard to get turned on as thatās the thing that really gets me going and regular pillow talk just doesnāt seem to do much for me. I want to try open her up to the idea again but it seems like right now itās not going to be an option
I have talked with many people in relationships about their sex life (kinks, boundaries, thirds, open relationships, etc) The inner dilemma that you feeling is real and completely valid, donāt dismiss your feelings as invalid. However honesty and openness is essential if you want things to change.
I would suggest talking to your girlfriend about the reason she didnāt like the experience you had with her and the other person. Also what she doesnāt like about the idea of you engaging in sex with other men and women. In her mind what does mean about the relationship between you two.
If itās a non-negotiable on her end and she wonāt let you play with othersā¦ well itās decision time for you. Ask yourself ācan I be truly happy and live authentically while in a relationship with someone who has a sexual ideal incompatible with mine. Can I truly be the partner they deserve if they do not allow me to express my sexual ideal (in a healthy and honest way)
Itās not about me playing with others itās about watching her with others. Thatās what I like but yeah she just isnāt that way inclined
I get turned on thinking about watching her but I donāt get hard(if that makes sense) Iāve watched a previous partner get fucked in front of me but it didnāt go well due to some trust issues that arose from it later on. But since then Iāve always had that kink. The girl im with now has been game to try it and has done it with a previous ex of hers but itās something that still scares me due to past experience. But I just canāt get rid of the fantasy of it all.
You mean hers is mainstream and yours is not so you need to conform to that. Just out of curiosity has she shared what she is into?
Have you used toys? It can certainly be a challenging situation from a relationship safety perspective bringing someone else into the bed. Perhaps you start with some toys that she can use herself whilst you watch.
I must admit I find it arousing watching my wife fuck a dildo, and she gets really into it when she sees me get hard, and after a while I come over so she can suck me at the same time.
Yeah sheās mainly just in to standard stuff, nothing that overly excites me
Yeah we do this, I watch her use dildos, recently brought a larger one and watched her stretch herself with it which got me going quite a bit, she really struggled to get it in but once it was in she went crazy with it and really enjoyed it and I quite enjoyed watching her being so stretched out
Sheās also been wanting me to try get my whole hand in her pussy which Iāve been having fun with, havenāt got it all in yet but very close. Just gotta keep slowly stretching. Also been putting a dildo inside her while we have sex so it sort of feels like she has 2 men inside her. Iām sort of hoping doing that will maybe make her more interested in having 2 guys at the same time instead of just me and a toy
You definitely need a trusting relationship and I think the other guy either needs to be someone else you trust, or someone whoās not even part of your regular lives. With my ex it was almost always guys off the internet we didnāt know, tinder, certain websites etc. there was a few occasions where it was with my friends but that was usually because we were all drunk and horny haha. But those friends I trusted not to tell anyone and I also was well aware my partner wasnt going to be weird with them after etcā¦ A fair few times it was completely random like a few Uber or taxi drivers who took us home from a night out drinking, like she would get naked in the car and theyād touch her and we would invite them in when we got to our place, or once a Uber eats driver when she answered the door naked (which she would regularly do). But yeah trust is super important. Personally itās the single most thing that turns me on seeing my partner with another man. My current partner has tried to like it for me but after a couple experiences she just isnāt keen to do it again
I agree it turns me on like crazy! I have a hard time explaining to my girl that I donāt even fantasize about other women. But that I fantasize about her with other men lol. She almost doesnāt believe me on that lol. I also love sharing pics of her
Yeah I donāt fantasise about other women at all, just her fucking other men
Was easy with my ex she was super in to it, and she would get naked at the drop of a hat lol. Pretty much everyone we knew had seen her naked at least once 
My current partner is a lot more conservative about it all