Pleasure by yourself versus with partner

I am now finding I have more confidence in pleasuring myself but get anxious when I have to focus on pleasuring my wife and making sure I am doing a good job. I often am not hard but when I am by myself I can get a rock hard erection. Anyone relate?


You are not alone. I am going through the same issue myself, although I’m not married. With the last two women I’ve been with, I’ve been unable to perform using my penis. I’ve been aroused for sure, but was completely unable to “rise to the occasion”.
After the most recent occurrence, I had left that night and went immediately home. I decided to test things out and of course everything seemed to function just fine by myself. It was beyond frustrating.

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That is frustrating!!! I’m glad I am not alone! I’m hoping I can overcome this this anxiety and be able to rock my wife’s world again.


I’m sure we will both be able to find a path through this.

Have you been in discussion with your wife about this? I think one good thing that you could have going for you is a caring partner to share and progress with.

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Yea I have talked about it with her. Last night , I was ready for it but then I got anxious and just made a excuse to take a shower and relieve myself there

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Agreed! You are not alone!

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What aspects are you struggling with?

I have this drama especially with new partners in the past I have over come it by masturbating while next to them though it doesn’t feel right

I have trouble maintaining an erection with condoms, so my sex therapist recommended that I masturbate with condoms. I’ve also been using a sex toy that I can penetrate. The goal is to make masturbation feel like partnered sex. It may help you to re-create the same conditions when you’re alone as when you’re with a partner.