So… About a year ago my wife proposed going to a sex party at a mansion as a bucket list while we’re young(ISH) kinda thing. We’d been together for 25 years, married for 17 and it was all solid (ride or die, all the usual reassurances). Fast forward to now, via some adventures in soft play swinging, a disastrous party because I found out she’d lied about boundaries that we’d set and now she’s all but checked out at home and we haven’t slept in thr same room since Christmas. Now… Free to do our own thing (she is seeing another guy), I’ve been on a few visits to experiences I want (not interested in a relationship right now). I had a couple of successful handjob massages on a break to Budapest..and I’ve been to see some escorts for sex. Except I cant get it up with the escorts. They are far younger and more attractive than my wife, have amazing bodies and will do pretty much whatever, but things just don’t happen and it’s maddening. I’m desperate to break this cycle. I get morning wood but that’s pretty much my peak hardness. I’m going to try that breathing exercise and be the most gregarious character I can that is least like me to see if that works
Thanks for sharing your story. I have been kind of playing with the thoughts of swinging or open marriage, but stories like yours bring me back to reality and I realize that this is just a bad idea. However, I guess if your wife lied to you about something like that, it was bound to go wrong eventually. I would divorce her and work through that trauma with a therapist. I am sure you will be able to start having sex again if you keep working on yourself.
Yeah, I’d probably not do it again given the chance, depends on how much is at stake. I don’t think I’m perfect, but I thought we were happy, possibly too contented/safe. I played by the rules, I even consented her to going on a date with that warning “this feels like flying a bit too close to the sun”, but then I got accused of not trusting her to not let it affect us and kids as it was just “adult fun”. The new guy is older, more gregarious. I quite liked him, now I wish him a slow painful death, but I’m honestly not wasting my energy on it. Looking at buying a silly convertible, going on a drive into Europe and generally doing what I want in the most stereotypical fashion 
Life to short to be with someone that doesn’t want you and it’s shown how it can change with the flip of a coin. On a positive note, I did some meditations on here and it really helped me to relax which I think is helping me to be more present and less “fight of flight” which I think I’m in more often than not, despite what I tell myself
Can I ask, you consented to her going on a date while you were both happy? Was it an open relationship then?