We’re both mid 30s, healthy, I’m OK BMI she’s great and hot as ever.
Just two days ago, after another ED experience, I asked that we just go back to hands only for a few weeks. She said she’d think about it.
And man- just putting the pressure of penetration off the table has been a huge weight off my shoulders. Huge. Actually slept two nights in a row for the first time in months. Gave a back rub and got hard pretty quick (didn’t do anything with it). No fast heart beating or nervousness.
It’s all in my head. I know it’s all on my head, but that doesn’t make it any easier to overcome.
Two things I’m learning and trying right now; one is that I feel I’ve gotten to a low that I really can’t go any lower. I’m over feeling sorry for myself or feeling bad about the ED stuff. I just don’t care about it anymore; I want to be over it and just thinking “f it” I don’t care about worrying myself to death has been somewhat of a help.
The other thing is communication and taking penetration, specifically, off the table for a bit until I get comfortable again. That’s been a major relief. Hell right after the ED the other night after talking it out I got hard.
I’ve tried pills, but that’s not the problem. They have actually made it worse by making me feel more pressure to get hard.
I’ve tried taking a shower beforehand just to cool my head- was hit and miss.
I’ve tried just thinking about calming down before sex… hit and miss.
I’ve learned NOT to force it. Never force it just because it’s been awhile or because it’s Saturday or whatever. Forcing it while being not sure has resulted in ED pretty much every time.
I think my next steps to try are to regain comfort. It’s kind of sad, but I feel anxious (and I’m not at all an anxious person):
- about anytime after 8pm
- anytime I walk to the bedroom
- anytime I physically get in bed
- anytime I think about making a move
- anytime I physically move to my wife’s side of the bed
I get racing heart, body is awkward, lost confidence, etc.
I really need to reconnect and get the confidence back- hopefully she’ll be open to letting that happen by doing anything other than missionary penetration sex.
Also, talking to you all makes me feel better too, so thanks.