I’m struggling a bit here. I have a new girlfriend; we have been dating for about two months and we tried to have sex the other day.
There were a few problems. One was stress, I had a car that broke down the week before which caused me chronic stress. The other is that I have had ED in the past and was expecting this to be an issue. But she really wanted to have sex… so it was planned as part of the date.
Now to what went down…
We got back to my place, we tried to get down, but my dick just wouldn’t budge. I wouldn’t say I was terrified before trying, but I was aware what might (would) happen. She was extremely disappointed at first but eventually said she’d give me time as waiting for two months was originally her idea… I waited for her; she’ll wait for me.
This was nice to hear… except she continued to try to get me aroused for the rest of the weekend (to the point where she literally climbed onto my chair and was grinding really hard on my groin…), and I kept failing and getting more and more overwhelmed and fatigued with each attempt, I felt like I was a sock that had been squeezed and squeezed at the end. I felt completely flat and emotionless. The real problem I’m facing is that I really do like her, and I’m terrified it just won’t happen. Most of my relationships in the past have failed due to this very issue. I’m so, so tired of it and I really don’t know what I can do at this point.
Can you communicate to her that you really like her and want it to work but she needs to slow down, be more gentle and enjoy the feeling of your flaccid dick? Seems she’s panicking a bit and trying all her best ‘porn moves’ to get it hard because - I reckon - she really likes you and wants it to be amazing!
We actually had a breakthrough last night. I have been practicing getting out of my head and not spectating and we actually achieved penetrative sex. It was a much more relaxed environment, we hadn’t planned it, and had spent the day having a very chilled out time in the city.
I had actually had a talk to her before we went out and she was pretty understanding about it all. There was no pressure this time, so it was much easier to just enjoy time with her. One thing I realised that I needed was to be able to extend the idea of keeping out of my thoughts to the entire time we were together and enjoy each moment throughout the whole day. It limited my expectancies when sex came about and I was able to just go with it.
Amazing. Getting out of our heads is the best way.