New relationships and ED

I have struggled with ED for about 4 years now, ever since the first time I tried having sex when I was 18. I had a hard time maintaining an erection with a new girlfriend and was unable to ever successfully finish. After a few months of dating, something finally just clicked and the problem went away. After that I almost never had an issue getting or keeping an erection with this girlfriend.

We’ve since been broken up for a few years and I’ve had varying degrees of success having intercourse with much less serious partners. I now find myself in a new more serious relationship that’s been going for about two months. It’s progressed very quickly in every other way besides sexually. I have never been able to finish intercourse with this new partner and almost always have trouble maintaining an erection.

I’ve tried assuring her that eventually I’ll get over it but she seems to have lost hope and I’m starting to as well. We’re both in agreement that an inability to be intimate through intercourse isn’t conducive to a successful relationship. We’re reaching a point where it seems like we may need to just give up and accept it won’t workout between us. I don’t know if this is the right mindset and neither does she. I just want to be able to overcome this issue, but the looming idea of the relationship ending if I’m unable to perform makes it feel impossible.

Would love to know if anyone has ever had a situation like this one and what the best decision here is.

I have the same problem with a guy I like (gay). It threatens my need for independence, so subconsciously I just don’t chemically bond with the guy. That will guarantee my independence. I had enmeshment with my mother and have been afraid of committing since. There is something unsafe about your relationship that you may or may not be aware of, and until that gets resolved, my opinion is the D won’t feel playful.