Finding a supportive partner. When do you bring it up?

🍆 Erection issues
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I’m having erection issues with a new partner after being in a 15 year long term relationship. At that time I could get it erect almost all of the time (although not always and had some early ejaculation issues too). Since the final year before the separation I lost libido and and now I also lost confidence and had some awkward encounters where it didn’t work in the past 6 months.

My current girlfriend only cares about penetration or it isn’t “real sex” for her. This attitude is really making it worse for me as she doesn’t seem open to communicate about it. She’s just waiting for me to resolve it while not knowing how much longer she’d be able to bear the situation. Extra tough when she says she is really in love with me like with no other man before. The ED is what might just make it not work out for us in the end. It’s sad but I feel the anxiety of living through this with her might be worse than the prospect of breaking up and finding a more supportive partner, or being single for a while.

Did anyone have success being upfront about ED with a new potential partner? At what time do you bring up the issue? Is it even possible to identify someone with the right empathy and mindset so I won’t go through the same suffering again?

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Same. 24 yr marriage-sexless for the last 10.
New gf. Super understanding. I was up front during our first sexual encounter. (4th date??) We were in her bed and after 15-20 min of foreplay I attempted to F her. I lost it but kept calm. I ended up getting her off with my younger and fingers several times and during pillow talk, I said this isn’t the first time it’s happened. Subsequent conversations have helped a ton!!

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I think it’s about being up front about wanting to make things work for her. Sex takes two (at least), and if you can both come together (pun intended) to address the anxiety that’s making things difficult, you’ve got a better chance at making it work.

It sounds like she’s already bought into trying to make things work if she’s saying she’s in love with you, so what’s the harm in being open about your fears that the ED will end things, and that you’re trying your best to get on top of it. Best case scenario, you’re no longer working on it alone, which sounds pretty good to me.

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