Performance Anxiety, Hypersensitivity, and trying too hard to get it up

I’ve been in this weird downward trend with my sexual life and wondering if anyone else has had this experience.
8 or 9 years ago, I started having issues getting an erection when I was drunk. I would fix this by taking a generic version of Viagra which worked. As I got older I would experience this with any woman I was first starting to date, so the first few times of sexual contact I would have trouble getting erections, so I would take Viagra. Viagra started making me feel too flushed and had negative side effects, so I started taking Cialis instead. Once I was comfortable with a woman, I wouldn’t have that much issues with my erections, only if we were having sex for too long, etc.
Now my body cannot accept Cialis either, I get bad anxiety (attacks) from taking it and it makes the sex worse.
So I started dating this girl about 3 months ago who is beautiful. We were taking things real slow because we both live in a smaller community and also want something serious. But once we got intimate, I had performance issues. I told her I needed to get comfortable with someone and the first few times might be difficult, but it happened almost every single time.
We ended breaking things off, we both weren’t feeling it, but one of the reasons for her way the intimacy, and it really makes me feel less of a man. The sex was always stressful for me, having a half hard on trying to put a condom on and having to use 2 to 3 of them during sex and not being able to do certain positions because of being too flaccid.
It’s a huge ego destroyer.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m afraid of casually dating anyone, cause I’m only going to disappoint them and myself.

Another thing to point out is that my issues with erections are directly paired to my increasing sensitivity to things such as alcohol, caffeine, and prescription medication. 10 years ago I could drink a double espresso no problem. Now I drink one and I have bad anxiety.

Anyone else have had issues like this? Anything that worked for you?


I am in the same boat as you. The first time with my ex girlfriend, I had a crush on her for ages, so I was naturally nervous as I really wanted to have sex with her. Because I was so nervous, I couldn’t get hard, and it was the most humiliating thing I have ever experienced. Every time since then, it never worked because I was so focused on getting hard, it never ended up happening. I am also now to afraid to date as I know I will get in my own head about it and won’t be able to get hard.

You got this man :muscle: