My performance anxiety, why did it start, how should i cure it?

Im 23. I had a girlfriend for 2 years, never had anxiety, after that relationship, I also had some one-night stands, and I didnt have problem, but later on it started, I couldnt get an erection at bed with a girl, I dont know what caused this because i didnt have any bad experience. Anyway it became worse and worse, last time when I wanted to have sex, I started shaking and sweating, the girl was understanding we cuddled and talked about it even, but nothing could help. So here Im now, Im already get anxious when I want to start flirting with a girl, so please help me. Do I need viagra or not, how can I heal myself. I dont have a relationship and I want to solve the problem myself. One more question, with viagra its 100% i get erection or even than if im too anxious I will have problems?

Hey Zeroth. I can’t say why it happened or why it continues, but I can say I’ve experienced a lot of this myself. One thing that has helped me, is not going for the one night stand sex. Whenever I do, I end up with all the anxiety and physical reactions you are describing. I tend to do much better after hooking up with a woman a few times. I can also say that Viagra does not cure this physical reaction. It doesn’t just simply make you hard. If you are so anxious that you are having a phsyical response, in my experience, it doesn’t work. It does work when you are more comfortable. I’ve used it many times. For safety reasons, of course consult a doctor. In my experience, it has helped me in situations where I know the woman and just need that little reassurance and guarantee to make it happen. Hang in there. I bet if you get into another relationship, give it some time, you’ll be just fine. Stay positive and do some of the relaxation techniques on mojo. They do seem to help a lot.

I’m crying reading this because i’m in the same boat brother. The moment you realize you are sweating or thinking about it, it’s too late.

Please do not do the same mistake I did and think that Viagra or Cyalis gives you erections, it does not. What it does is improve your erection, but you still need arousal.

What happens is your brain sees the situation as dangerous and gives you anxiety, leading to either loss of desire, or cannot get erect as it’s redirecting bloodflow elsewhere. That being said, the pill can be a huge confidence booster after one good session.

I strongly suggest seeking therapy, and meditating. One thing you can do is meditate thinking about her in various sexual scenarios, and see if you can get an erection that way. Remember the feeling and next time try to focus on that feeling with her. It worked quite a few times for me, but it’s not a cure.

Therapy is your best option.