I’m 43. My issues started when I was 26. It was a situation that should have been completely written off as an “off night” but I allowed it to snowball into probably the most disruptive and destructive force of my life.
I’ve always had problems with worrying and anxiety, but at his point, I wish the hypochondria I wrestled with as a preteen became the prevailing worry over the performance anxiety I’ve been fighting for nearly 2 decades.
For years after that fateful night, I was just horny enough to plow (literally) through the fear from time to time, usually with the help of alcohol, and have very successful sex. Sometimes those successes would be enough to prop up my confidence for weeks or months, but the demon was always lurking. I was always at least a little worried about it coming back. So, of course, it did. I’m fully aware of why this is happening to me. I’ve had 17 years worth of Internet access to read about this. I’ve been to therapy. I’ve meditated. I’ve exercised. I’ve used, and continue to use, Viagra. It works for me probably 75% of the time. I don’t want to rely on it, and I know it’s a band aid, but it’s been the closest thing I have to foolproof. Nothing seems to quell the panic attack that ensues whenever sex is imminent, though. In fact, Viagra makes my heart beat hard and fast, and that’s just exacerbated by the anxiety. It’s fucked up. How, after all this time, do I reprogram myself?
I love the idea of Mojo. I want it to work, and I really wish something like this was available to me when this reared its ugly head. Part of me feels, though, that I’m past the point where Mojo can help me. I can get an erection by myself…100%, no problem. In fact, I cannot do the “soft penis pleasuring” exercise. I’m not bragging, I’m just saying that I’m not at ground zero with this. I’ve been living with it for a LONG time, in a very happy and successful marriage. I wonder if I’m past the point where stretches and kegels are beneficial. In all my ruminations, I’ve reduced this to an absolutely mental issue. It’s a giant, giant mental wall that I can’t figure out how to get over. I no longer need to prove physical ability to myself. I’ve been down that road. Now, I need to reset my brain to respond to intimacy with the peace, excitement, and transcendence that it used to, instead of the terror that it illicits now.
Is there anyone else out there who is in a similar situation? It would be incredibly encouraging to hear that there is, and that Mojo has helped you break through.
Yes, predominantly this is my problem as well.
I’m 34 and have been dealing with this for a long time now.
There are a lot of issues to deal with, however my starting point right now is not in the bedroom (although that’s the end goal). My starting point is in everyday life. Usually in the back of my mind somewhere, at any point in time, is the worry, fear, or anxiety related to poor sexual performance. What I have had to realise is that that part of my mind needs to quiet down in everyday life.
Let me put it this way, if I go to my partner and I’m relaxed, I have enjoyed the good moments throughout the day (with or without her) and am not worrying about if sex is to come, usually my mind is not in the way when I meet up with her. But if I have been stewing, and my thoughts have been running wild throughout the day, I go to her already stressed, and my body literally feels exhausted before we even try.
I know it’s a little different for everyone, but that’s what it’s like for me. However, when I’m alone, my mind is able to relax and just enjoy whatever I’m doing. I have no troubles… so physically, I know I work just fine.
There is an implicit question in your post though, which I interpret as “Does this actually work?”
I can only speak for myself, so for me, so far yes it has been working. But keep in mind it’s a slow process that will have ups and downs, and ultimately the experiences need to be extended beyond the bedroom. Learning to relax and turn off from these poor experiences and let your mind and body enjoy life totally disconnected from this anxiety will feel life a breath of fresh air.
Hi Skunk. I have literally just joined MOJO, as I, like yourself have long time issues with hardness, use Viagra or similar , I’m pretty sure my issue is mental, and it started to go wrong at around age 23 ( I’m now 55) has a relatively successful sex life , due to the pills at the time , was playing the single male lifestyle for nearly a year , sleepingvabout, it was great, as long as i had pills to habmnd, and when I met the ladies if which my goal was to have sex with them, it started when 1 of those ladies , who played the game as well said to me , in a rage of jealousy, and this is the thing that for some reason has changed my sex life, I find it unbelievable something as simple can have a life changing effect, all she said was " I’m with him now because he has a better cock than you". That statement went into my mind and that was that. The funny thing is that I know it is not true but that is the only thing that has stayed with me for the last 30 years. , I am married and happy with supportive wife for the last 15years but this is and always has been in my mind’ what if… ’ so you not on your own buddy. Let’s see if this thing works.