Not coming at all

My wife and i had virtually no sex for 20 years. It went up and down but was mostly virtually abseny. For at least five years, every time we had sex she would say
“Don’t kiss me don’t touch me”
“Aren’t you done yet”
“Do you feel better now”
Then on our anniversary she sent me a video of her masturbating and we started having a lot of sex. We went away one weekend and tried sex fifteen times.

However in that weekend i came twice and I’ve had issues with coming for years

Last year she announced she was leaving me. I worked to get her to stay and then she announced we were in an open relationship. I hit it off with a number of ladies but I met one, and we spent the night together. The sex was terrible, it lasted a minute and I went soft. She and ii stayed in touch and probably fell in love. She was married though and liked to sleep around.

When we were on the verge of having sex again my wife closed our relationship but decided she had a free pass. She had several guys she was talking to, she had one over and fucked him three times in two hours.

This has left me sure that i was not enough for her, that this other guy was bigger and better, and I am not enough.

That was six months ago. We don’t live together, I forgot to mention. We see each other rarely and sometimes I’m fine but last weekend was our anniversary and we had sex five times. I came twice. Once I couldn’t even get hard, which rarely happens. I’d just gone down on her for 20 minutes which usually gets me there

So I’m wondering how many other guys have issues with having sex but not being able to come. I find we often stop before I hurt her (no I’m not enormous, she just dries out after 15 minutes)

@foreign-copper-wildcat there is a lot in your post. Hard to process it all, to be honest. I wonder if talking with a mental health professional could help? I think I would find it hard to cum with all the stress and many confusing things you are dealing with. It has got to be tough and I know a few of them would stress and frustrate me.

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Thanks for the reply mate. I’ve been seeing a therapist for 18 months. I had some drama I felt I’d not processed, so I started a therapist and a week later my wife announced she was leaving me. Definitely weekly therapy keeps me sane, and helps keep the drinking under control

Of course! My ex-wife had an affair with a close friend of mine and after trying to work things out we divorced. Starting back into dating and sex with new woman was overwhelming at first. Through a lot of good counseling, reading, journaling (which helped more than I would have thought), and patience I feel I am in a better place as a person and with sex than ever before. There is hope bud!

Glad to hear it. I feel like my wife cheated on me, she’d forced me to accept she was going to have sex once and she had it three times in two hours. So I worry she needed someone else, but also worry that if I left her, I still would struggle.

I’m glad things got better for you.

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