Not Being Enough

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Family and relationships
1

I have been with this woman for over a year. The sex was lacking and I knew I was having issues that needed to be addressed, but I thought she still loved me and would be supportive of me. We were engaged and I thought we were so happy and in love. Just over a month ago, she tells me how terrible the sex is and it has been a disappointment the whole time. I don’t last long enough or I am not hard enough for penetration. She tells me I need to fix it or else. 1 week later, I m told that she wants to fuck other guys and that is the lifestyle that she has lived for however long and she doesnt believe in monogamy and she tried it for me, but she has been unhappy the whole time we have been together. I told her I would try her lifestyle, because all I wanted was to be with her. 1 week later she is already on her first meet up with a potential hookup. She says it’s just about the sex and she loves me but she needs to fuck other guys. I love this woman so much and I want to be with her and I want to be able to just let her be who she wants to be, as long as I have that commitment to her and I was her number 1.

She is an absolutely gorgeous and beautiful woman. She is everything I have ever dreamed of in 1 package. I truly believe she is my 1 true love. This weekend I m now told that she doesnt believe in marriage, or the concept of it. She says we can just do a commitment ceremony on she would still take my last name. I try to go along with it, she even brings up a guy that she use to fuck and likes to fuck before we head out for the evening last night. Not even 3 hours later she is already texting him, smiling as she texts him and he just so happens to be located near the city where we are spending a weekend together. I got upset because I felt like I got set up, like this was already in the works…and I just don’t understand why she couldn’t of just waited 1 more day before she hit him up when we weren’t together.

The moral is that love just isn’t enough, no matter how much you love someone, it’s not enough especially when you are already not enough. I don’t think I can handle this lifestyle or her lifestyle and she doesnt want to be with me unless I let her fuck whoever she wants.

2

Bro. Tough one.
Honestly I couldn’t do it.
Especially with the self esteem, PED and other issue I have going on….
My advice: don’t sacrifice YOUR happiness for the idea of a perfect woman.

( in your eyes she does have 2 flaws: she’s not monogamous- and- she WANTS to fuck other guys.
Neither of which appear to be attractive to you.)
Apologies for not telling you what you want to hear….
Good luck bro!!:four_leaf_clover:
Keep checking in. We want to know how YOU are doing!

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3

What I also meant to say is she doesn’t believe in marriage!!! Red flag for me.

4

Bro as hard as it sounds at this moment - sounds like she is NOT for you.

Say it out loud and accept it and move on.

And then - Work on yourself.
Stop watching porn if you do.
Eat healthy, work out, stop drinking alcohol.
Find a group hobby on meet up and make some friends. Meditate. Read books. Learn a craft.
Do something to better yourself and your life and trust me, once you better yourself, your life and you’re ready, the right woman will come and you will look back and laugh that you once were miserable because of the wrong person that is not for you.

You’re better than that!

Good luck you can do it. Everyone can!

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5

“Not being enough” is a hyper toxic mentality. Step 0 is to ditch that mindset.

6

Bro leave. She isn’t supportive of you and it’ll only get worse if you continue to indulge her demands that clearly make you uncomfortable.

The one for you should be supportive or at least honest way sooner instead of holding it in for a year.

I’m sorry you are going through this. You got this though.

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7

That’s a real shit place to be mate. It sounds to me that you and she are fundamentally different in terms of your values, and this will make everything more difficult for you.

My partner and I are in therapy to discuss ethical non-monogamy, and that is presenting its own challenges for me personally, but I’m glad to say my partner is being super supportive of my challenges here - which makes all the difference. The right person for you will deal with these sorts of things respectfully and without judgment or ultimatums. It sounds like it’s time for you to move on.