Hi all. I’m a married man, 45. My wife and I entered into the lifestyle a few years ago. It was at my urging. My wife has told me several times that she would’ve been fine with a vanilla marriage. That said she enjoys the attention from other men. I’m bi-flexible, I guess you would say. Totally turned on by watching/participating in all kinds of sex acts. My wife used to strictly hetero. We got married late and had kids right away so didn’t really have years as a married couple without kids.
Fast forward to now 12 years married with 2 boys. Our at home sex life is pretty abysmal in my opinion. Not much novelty, kink or effort put forth. We have sex on average 2-3 times a month.
We do occasionally go to lifestyle events and I’m finding that as a male it’s really hard to feel confident/comfortae in that sexually charged environment when our every day sex life is so mundane. I think I’ve tried to communicate this to my wife but she really doesn’t care to change herself. In lifestyle situations, ultimately the woman has a very easy time. They are the center of attention and then don’t have any physical “pressure” to perform. I find that despite enjoying the sexually charged nature of these events, I usually don’t play and typically have performance anxiety whether it’s related to looking for approval from my spouse or just not having confidence in my own ability I’m not sure. I want to engage in playing but I’m WO deringbif I’m more suited to be a stag or cuck. Any insights?
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Well. It seems like you really dug yourself into a hole there. It sounds nightmarish to me, since I am not at all into cuck thing.
Were I in your situation, I would try to find a way to get my confidence back. It seems like your wife would be fine with having an open marriage. I guess at this point the trauma of having your wife have sex with someone else is already there, so it can not get much worse. I would try to do that and start banging some other women (and maybe also men if I were bi). I would start with sex workers since I would feel much less pressure with them. Again, this is just what I would do, not sure if its the right thing for you.
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As the previous poster suggested. I think you’re going to have to get your confidence outside the marriage. You can’t expect a partner to be into wild sex with the same man if she occasionally has the opportunity to have a line of men have sex with the her.
I understand your position and although I may not personally concur, it is of course absolutely valid, to you.
I did suggest my wife sleep with her ex recently, long story. In a nutshell, I guess it was my way of her having some well deserved fun, whilst taking the pressure off me. She hasn’t said exactly how, but she has/is obviously having a great time. An unexpected bonus is my ED is right out of the equation, at least temporarily, and or libido is both through the roof.
Our arrangement isn’t a kink one so much as a tool to kick start things and give her some well deserved fun.
If you are doing something for kinks, I would suggest you tread carefully. There is perhaps a thin line between cuck and damaging humiliation.
Good luck