My wife and I are about to have multiple male partners in the next few days. But, I’m worried that I won’t be able to perform well. It will be the first time physically being with them. I know that my wife can cum multiple times. But, I can usually only go once a day. Any advice? Oh, I’m bi so I am attracted to both men and women.
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Married swinger who plays bi here. Best advice: go into the party/date with the expectation that an erection is unexpected. Try, mentally, to take your erection off the table, not by putting yourself down, but by thinking of all the fun things you can do that have no need for an erection. Also, be honest with your wife and partners about your anxiety or nervousness. Explain that you’re excited, but maybe too excited, and you just are going to try to relax without trying to get it up. Beyond that, throw yourself into the fun: what feels good, looks good, intoxicates you. Also, practice mindful-gratitude. It’s hard to think shitty thoughts about your penis when you are keeping your mind on how grateful you are for the experience. In the end, “lower” your expectations, to reduce your stress, which will result in a much more enjoyable experience and promote erection-friendly physical and mental state. Remind yourself, hard or not, someone is likely to have your penis in them, mouth or otherwise, and that’s the makings of a great time!
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Thank so much for your response and advice! I will do my best!
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Don’t do your best. Rather, just enjoy yourself, even if you’re feeling less than your best. The idea is: you’re not a monkey, this ain’t a circus, wtf are you performing for? If your cock feels like just chilling out, then let it do its thing. Also something that recently started helping me, think about a situation or circumstance where you feel very confident, and point out the similarities in your upcoming adventures. For me, I realized that I thrive under pressure, it makes me my best, so now when I feel anxious, I get excited, as I know “pressure” puts me in the zone where I am at my best. Also, try to frame the process as the fun part, rather than the end goal. I literally remind myself “this is the fun part”, so I stop thinking about how I need to perform or accomplish.
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Also, one of my favorite swinger experiences was when my penis remained completely flaccid. My partner was so awesome and amazing, just kept playing with me and giving me pleasure: she was attractive and genuinely gave no shits that my penis was not erect. She just wanted to make me feel good/special, experience pleasure, and it was like food for my soul. Realizing my erection didn’t matter and she was still having a great time was so liberating. Just show up and participate. Join in. It’ll be OK (and likely much more than that)
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Well, it looks like both cancelled for this weekend. And, my wife isn’t feeling great today anyway. We have potential to reschedule and another one later in the week. But, I am still going to go into them with an open mind and a calm body.
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