No motivation after past ED experiences

When I was 19 I was about to lose my virginity to a girl I really liked, but due to a mix of anxiety/alcohol/weed I wasn’t able to get a full erection which really hurt my confidence. I had other opportunities to try again with the same girl but I didn’t even try in fear of it happening again.

I have had tried to have sex two other times since then but each time I still wasn’t able to get hard. These experiences have knocked my confidence massively and now if I think there could be a potential sexual interaction with somebody my body triggers into feeling extremely anxious and I start shivering/shaking and get a dry mouth.

I’m 23 now and I find myself actively avoiding sexual interactions but I really want to change this. If anybody has had similar experiences I’d love to hear about it.

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Sorry to hear about your experience. You came to the right place buddy! My circumstances are different but what has helped me a lot is focusing on the fact that I follow up on the program and do the exercises. I would pat myself on the back for being consistent and try to put less emphasis on whether the sex works out or not.

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Hey man,

I’ve been there, it happens and you are not alone. For me it was all psychological. Same as you, I took pills and got nervous if an encounter was leading to sex. Almost wanted to avoid it.

Box breathing, staying in the moment and not thinking about getting hard is what helped me.

Look, nobody is gonna die and the world isn’t gonna end if you don’t get it up.

You got this :muscle:

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Thanks man, I really appreciate the motivating words. I’m going to follow the programs, I do believe I can find some improvement.
Hope all is well with you.

Thank you for the response, I can see how having something like the box breathing technique can be a great phsychological thing to fall back on in high anxiety moments. I will definite try to implement this in my life.
Hope you are well🙏

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You’re not alone, the exact same thing happened to me. Only recently I’ve tried to break past this boundary and I have been successful a few times, it’s all in ur head and it’s in mine too just feeling panicked whenever sex is about to occur! Me personally the way I’m trying to cope with it is just do it, try have sex if I fail oh well not the end of the world it’ll happen next time kind of thing and most the time it does! Best way to get better at something is to keep doing it, my thoguht process is, if I keep going soft on ppl and nothing happens my brain will think oh well it’s not bad to go soft and I’ll stop panicking and therefore get it up.

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That is a great way to look at it, it has built up into such a big thing in my head and I just need to confront it head on. Thanks you very much for the reply🙏

One time when it was looking like we were gonna have sex, I was shaking like crazy. Don’t be afraid to shake it out. When the voice tells you to run or go talk to someone else, tell yourself “don’t run”. When someone might see you having sexual tension with her, don’t run, lean into it. Shamelessly switch seats so you’re sitting next to her and give her more attention.
Nobody knows what the hell is going on. As soon as you take action, people follow your lead.
I was so terrified and hadn’t had sex in ages, but we smashed in my car.

Thanks man. this really motivated me.

same happened to me when i was 19. I had this girl who was really into me back then, we talked about having sex and all that i got too excited and masturbated an hour before she came over just to last long. unfortunately, i couldn’t get really hard and i panicked, lost my erection and came when i was trying to get it back. This is really F me up, got me up all night thinking what was wrong with me. I talked to the girl about it but she never came to see me again.

I’m 22 now as well and i joined mojo a month ago i hope it really helps me get my confidence and erection back