I 23m lost my virginity to an ex girlfriend at the age of around 16. I didnāt tell her I was a virgin until a lot later. I was hard at the start and then somewhere during foreplay I lost it
, became conscious of it immediately and couldnāt get it back up and didnāt know why or what was going on. I did (after a long time) get it back to have sex just about. Iāve always had quite a bad porn habit and so after reading online I attributed it to that but after further research recently I donāt believe thatās the cause.
As that relationship went on things did improve slightly but the odd session where I couldnāt get hard did still happen and it just became āthis thingā I had. I tried taking cialis and found that it made my erections really strong and I could last multiple rounds. When I took those pills, I still struggled to achieve an erection but when I did, it was really there and I didnāt have to worry about losing it so didnāt think about it and I felt like a sex god!
After coming out of that relationship recently, Iāve found myself paying a lot more of this attention to this issue because of having new sexual partners and the shame felt when having to repeatedly explain this issue to them without knowing how they will react. Iām desperate to fix this and the frustration that this is an issue for me when other guys my age donāt ever even think about it is awful.
Iāve noticed Condoms are a big barrier for me and my anxiety spikes when I go to put one on because I canāt maintain an erection long enough to put it on and start having sex. My partners have been great so far but I know it must be frustrating for them to get turned on and then not have sex.
Iāve also noticed Iām really in my own head about it every time I try to have sex now. Iām constantly aware of if Iām hard or not and canāt just stay in the moment and focus on enjoying myself/staying turned on like I used to. I also find that when Iām doing foreplay, Iām so focused on what Iām doing to try and make her cum that I lose my erection if I had one!
Does anyone have any advice for how they deal with losing an erection in the moment or if they start becoming conscious of it leading to the self fulfilling prophecy thing? What works consistently for you and how do you incorporate it into sex to not make things awkward or kill the mood?
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A great piece of advice regarding condoms: think of them as a ticket to fuck. Like putting a uniform on to play a sport.
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Yeah same here, every time I go to have sex Iām thinking is it going to work even with pills. Like you said when they work it feels amazing but Iām still thinking is it going to work and why do I even have to take them when Iām a young, healthy gym goer
ever since meeting my partner the urge to masturbate and watch porn has completely gone. I guess i used porn as a coping mechanism and I was craving real connection. Although I did notice when i would kiss my partner and hug her i would get a bit of an erection
Read back through your words again you said after taking the pills you didnāt even think about it and you werenāt worried about losing your erection . You also said that other guys donāt even have to think about it. Dude itās literally 100% mental as soon as you got in your head about it it was over. Trust me I totally understand cause I am the same way . I have had great success as of lately you literally have to battle that in critic . Remind yourself that youāre healthy guy and you donāt need pills . You could wean yourself off of them slowly thatās what I did . You got this.
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Some familiar problems for me here. Believe it or not, I was the age you are now (23) when I first had sex. I was embarrassed to be a virgin at that age, so didnāt tell my beautiful girlfriend. I just thought, āHow hard can it be?ā
The answer turned out to be, not hard at all. :-D. I had never had an erection āin companyā and suddenly found myself in a nightmare of stage fright. Nothing happened and she thought I didnāt fancy her. I was utterly mortified, this was the thing I had waited years to do, here was the girl of my dreams, and my body was sabotaging me. I wanted to die.
It got worse. Though I confessed to virginity and she understood, the condom issue kicked in - putting on the condom made me lose any erection I had. After many weeks of trying we managed a āsort ofā sex and I decided I was no longer a virgin, but there was no pleasure in it for me.
SOMEHOW we got through it, by sheer patience, and now weāve been together 25 years. And most of that time the sex has been great. But recently we switched back to condoms and it brought back those bad memories, and my ED, which is why Iām here now.
But yes - it is all in the mind! Donāt take the pills. Rewire the mind. I know it can be done. At 23 youāre ahead of where I was.