I want to thank someone on here for their recommendation of the book No Mr Nice Guy. Listened to audio book on Spotify and it was uncanny, like the book was written just for me. I realized that many of my psychological ED issues come from messed up paradigms about being “nice,” selfless, giving and pleasing others as well as cycles of toxic guilt.
It’s been hard taking that look at myself, my childhood, my beliefs, etc., and doing the hard work of carrying out changes, but I’m so sick of my issues (part of why I’m doing Mojo program) and I’m tired of feeling like a victim without control.
Anyway, it’s not about toxic masculinity or becoming a jerk, but rather realizing that “nice” guys are anything but nice, with lying and being deceptive to ourselves and partners, carrying guilt for years, not realizing our fears, and messed up worldviews that we internalized throughout our lives.
I suspect that a lot of guys on here are the same way. Anyway, I’m grateful for this app and for the people on here. Good luck out there fellas!
Please tell me more, because this is exactly how I feel. I feel like I’m constantly trying to make others happy, specifically my wife. When I can’t do or give what they want, I get depressed and resentful. Sometimes to them, mostly to myself. I just want to withdraw, let the world slip away.
Yeah man, it sounds so obvious but it’s like we keep doubling down on patterns that don’t work. Check out the book if you’re interested. In hindsight it seems obvious but I wasn’t even aware of what I’ve been doing for years and years. Don’t give up hope, man. We’re the only people who can be in charge of our lives. If that’s not the case that’s on us, not others like our spouses, partners, friends. It’s our problem first and foremost. We’re not victims unless we decide to be it. If you’re doing this app it means you want to take your power back in some way. It’s not easy, but I’ve just started and it’s already paying off. Hang in there, brother!