Multiple issues and success stories

Ask the community
#1

Does anyone have multiple issues for Ed? And any success stories of overcoming these?

I’ll share mine. Its not a success story… yet; but i am hopeful mojo will help me.

I’ve been battling with ED and performance anxiety since i was a teenager. Initially i thought it was due to work stress. Then i thought it was due to taking Propecia for hair loss. I also thought it may be due to a lack of libido, growing old (i turned 36 recently) porn addiction or masturbating too much.

Over time, i tried stopping Propecia, stopping masturbating and stopping watching porn for a prolonged period of time. There would be a temporary improvement in my erections but it didnt last long.

I also recognise that my mind wonders during sex and that immediately has an effect on my erection.

I believe it has to do with a few factors:

  1. Fear of disappointing my partners - in online dating, i always get a positive enthusiastic response to pictures of my member and when we meet up for sex, there is always an expectation from my partner that they will get to enjoy my member in both oral and penetrative sex, which puts a lot pf pressure on me to perform. Failing to perform a few times has also got me in a downward spiral which has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Furthermore, i am more conscious of the fact that i am not hard and that my partner will reach down at any moment to grab and play with my member and that adds to the stress.
  2. Distractions - I am an anxious person. Work and other matters are always on my mind and i get stressed (at least subconsciously) about these things a lot. Often during sex, my mind wonders and it has an immediate effect on my erection.
  3. Bi-sexuality - I started off being attracted only to men. Over time, i realised, i enjoy looking at women too and have masturbated to them as well. However, there is a nagging fear that I am not “man enough” for my partners and that i will not satisfy a woman and that plays on my mind.
  4. I dont know what turns me on - i’ve gotten to the point where i dont know what turns me on anymore. I dont have any particular fantasies and neither men nor women turn me on.

I almost went to get an online consultation for ED drugs but then I discovered mojo. I have just started my journey with mojo and hope that it can help cure my issues long term. I will post back results over time. My hope is to feel normal and enjoy my sex life like many other men do, so far its only been stressful, embarrassing and with a lot of anxiety and fear.

In the meantime, has anyone had similar multiple (or singular) issues and managed to successfully overcome them? Your success story may be encouragement for the rest of us that this works. Do share!

#2

I can empathise with 1 and 3. I’m gay and also struggle with all the shame that comes with that - the feeling that I’ll never be ‘man enough’, etc. Part of me knows it’s BS, but the shame that was instilled in me as a teenager has never really gone away. I always feel like I’m trying to prove myself.

…Which brings me back to point 1. I’m lucky to be well-endowed as well and I kinda hate sharing pics because the response usually goes along the lines of what they want me to do with my dick. It just all adds to the pressure to live up to expectations and (once again) prove myself. I avoid dating a lot now.

I figure I need to sort out the way I think about these things rather than continue avoiding putting myself out there. I’m considering getting a therapist for all this stuff - something for you to consider too maybe?

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#3

Thanks for the reply @quickest-gold-baboon .

I fully understand your comments on 1 and 3. For 3, logically the conscious brain knows (or has brain washed itself) to think it is BS but there is still a lingering feeling somewhere.

I agree that you cannot stop putting yourself out there for fear of dating. There has to be a better way of overcoming the issue so you too can enjoy a healthy dating and sex life.

Do let me know if the therapist is helpful to your recovery. That would be my next step after Mojo (if required) - i want to avoid ED drugs as much as possible.

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#4

I think I am definitely dealing with multiple issues as well. I am bisexual, but only recently acknowledged that was okay—been with a woman most of my life and experimenting with men now. I’ve also only recently recognized myself to be a person who is significantly shaped by anxiety. I seem to currently perform best at sex when my head wanders from the actual situation, but to thoughts that turn me on. If I think too much about what’s actually going on, pressure (or something) can overcome me and kill everything. I sometimes wonder if my libido is low as well. I have been using Mojo for a couple of weeks and I appreciate any new perspectives I can get, but I am also seeking a sex therapist to work through some religious shame and fear issues that I believe are pretty deeply entrenched in my thoughts and feelings about sex and have made ED a constant companion since I started having sex.