Need advice after I could not find my exact issue on threads

Thank you in advance,

For context, I am 38 years old male and never had issues before, maybe once or twice a year at most and usually due to fatigue.

Recently I have a new partner, and normally I get hard just massaging her. About 2 months ago, during a massaging and some dry humping action, and about to switch to intercourse, I suddenly lost my erection. I did not think much of it, but then I noticed it happened again the next day. I also started urinating a lot more during that time.

I went to get checked for a physical, but nothing came out, but since then it just have not been the same.

Currently, I can easily get hard and horny, and have intercourse, but the moment i pull out to slow down, I lose it. Condoms also seem to make it a lot harder to keep it. Sometime I also lose some stiffness during intercourse. I also noticed that even while masturbating, Itโ€™s not always as stiff as it should be.

My partner thinks itโ€™s all in my head, and I do believe a big part of it is. During sexy times I am not thinking about it at all, but the moment I lose it I start panicking, which obviously does not help. Sometimes I will have a wandering thought โ€œwhat if i lose itโ€ but not always.

I was thinking doing a consultation to have some meds prescribe temporarily to regain confidence, but at the same time the fact that itโ€™s just not as hard as it was before worries me. However the physical came clean so I am at a loss here.

Anyone had a similar experience? I love my partner, but she has some pretty bad trauma related to this and I really donโ€™t want to hurt her, even if she supports me.

I was warned of potential pre-diabetes and high blood pressure a year ago and itโ€™s on a downward trend and lost 20 lbs since.

I also noticed I can last longer while laying down and her on top versus me on top.

Diet could be better as well probably missing some vitamins, not a lot of sun this time of the year in Canada.

Thank you for any insights

Hi! Canโ€™t say much about what the problem could be, but I suspect it doesnโ€™t help to think of your erectile dysfunction as something that will hurt your partner. Working through this together may even bring you closer together and help put her past experiences into perspective.