Navigating expectations in hookup culture

How do you navigate and negotiate through everyone’s expectations in hookup culture? I am a vers top but have increasing ED with partners because spectatoring and dysfunctional negative thoughts (“I’ll never be able to meet his expectations!”) really activate the inner critic. I’ve tried talking up front about getting together with no expectations but everyone seems to have fantasy projections going on and it’s too much pressure. What if I can’t deliver on what they are signing up for?

Being 53 and having just opened my 10-year monogamous LTR (which has brought me closer to my partner oddly enough) I was surprised that I’m in my “Daddy” era and lots of guys of all ages want to hookup with me. I have been very active hooking up and going to the bathhouse. I generally have no issue with my husband but increasing ED with other partners. If I could just relax and enjoy the sex it would from “fun” to “amazing.” I want to enjoy all of this before my age knocks me out of people’s radar. I’m aging, not dead!


This hit home for me, thanks for sharing! I’m having similar issues as you and I’m looking for solutions. I’m 41 and my husband and I just opened our relationship after 11 years of monogamy. I never had any ED symptoms and would jerk off regularly. As soon as we opened the relationship, my penis stopped cooperating and I’ve been unable to get an erection with anyone. I also stopped masturbating, which has never happened and feels confusing. Mentally, my sex drive is just as high (constantly checking out hot guys on the street and still having lots of mental fantasies), but physically, my penis feels dead. This can’t be a coincidence, so I’m convinced it’s psychological (hence why I just started Mojo). I’m going to see a urologist to make sure there’s nothing physically wrong with me, but I’m kind of at a loss otherwise. I’m really hoping this program helps us both! :pray:t3:

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Good luck to you, brother. I finished the program a few weeks ago and ended my subscription. I totally think it’s worth it, I totally learned so much. I do miss having the daily prompts to practise the exercise though. I think it’s the repetition that really makes the difference. I had significant improvement throughout the program, and after the subscription ended feel I went backwards a bit. But things are more complicated lately caring for aging parents so the stress level is much higher.

Anyway stay in touch and let me know how things progress for you. I have faith for all of us. There is hope! :smiley:

I’m in a similar situation- my partner and I just opened up our 20year relationship about a year ago. I’ve been a bottom most of my life and I realize it’s because I was always worried about ED. Now I want to explore topping but I get so nervous I won’t be able to get / stay hard and I’ll disappoint new sexual partners and be embarrassed.
Hoping Mojo works for me. Pills have not worked consistently

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Funny enough I would have called myself a vers bottom before my relationship and now I definitely want to top more often. I’m now several months out since I finished Mojo and while I don’t feel as confident as I did during the program I am still further ahead than before. I’m more likely to be hard throughout and if not I accept it much more easily.

How’s the program going for you?