So I have a really high sex drive and I used to just wank/jerk off to release. recently where my girlfriend said she’d like to stop completely and not doing it anymore. So I did because she asked me nicely and I could tell that she cared about me stopping. Now I don’t blame her because I shouldn’t be doing that anyways. But I’ve realised that I’ve just become very easily turned on . Any time we make out or if she touches me in certain place or ways, I pre cum. I feel extremely horny all the time now and I’ve told her how I feel about this and asked if she can do anything with me to release. She always says no. She actually doesn’t have any interest in becoming sexually active with me in anyway at all. I been thinking to just jerk off behind her back and not mention it but I don’t want to lie to her.
How did the conversation about recognising respective needs work out?
Wow.
That’s unfortunately a red flag.
No interest in sex at all??
She says that it’s not that important to her and she doesn’t have an interest in doing anything.
She said that it’s not that important to her and that it’s my problem.
It’s her problem that she don’t want to have sex at all! That’s not normal and not fair to you!
She sounds like frosty the snow-girlfriend……
Not that important?
I’d make an effort to find out more info or see if she’s scared or what the hang up is. If she won’t open up- that’s a big red flag……
alright, so i understand both sides, mostly. totally on your side. you can’t expect sex out of a girlfriend at what i’m assuming as your young. but she cannot expect you not to jerk off. you got a high sex drive. nothing wrong with that. jerking off has nothing to do with her. so yeah jerk off. two options, tell her, or don’t. say it’s unfair to ask that of you, or just say that you’ve stopped.
I went through a similar situation except they are going through perimenopause. One week we’re having sex and all seems great, then a couple weeks later she’s not feeling it anymore. Sex drive dropped to zero. Hasn’t come back. That’s was almost 6 months ago. She’s like find someone else if you need to have sex, like it’s that easy. Plus I loved playing with her. A lot! I miss it dearly.
Seriously, if after talking she genuinely isn’t interested in sex and you have a high sex drive. You’re going to struggle to be happy long term. Sex isn’t everything, but you are sexually incompatible it seems. Withholding sex and telling you not to masturbate is not fair.
That’s rough mate, is she going to go on hormone replacement therapy? My wife is in a late 40s and it’s probably gonna hit this soon, I’m kind of dreading it.
Have you ever discussed previous experiences with sex? I wonder if there’s a past experience affecting your relationship now?
She’s not into doing that. For her, it is what it is and a natural part of the aging process. We’re not an exclusive connection but it’s not like I have others I can just call up. We’re both in our early/mid 50s.
Her low libido is one thing (which you handled well and were understanding), but she should not expect you to refrain from release yourself at all? Hello? It’s like a pretty basic need…
It’s not that important to her and it’s your problem ? lol oh okay…
She’s telling you now your needs dont matter because they’re not her needs. And you say your girlfriend doesnt have to have sex with you - that’s right. But if she doesnt want to then why is she your girlfriend?
Are you actually getting what you need in this relationship? You’re there by choice remember.
If you love her but cant have sex or even wank yourself, give her an ultimatum and say you’re either going to sleep with others, she will sleep with you, or you will move on. She doesnt have a right to put you in sex jail.
Some people have this weird immature opinion of relationships that you shouldn’t need sex to love. Like if it’s their low libido, then fine, but it’s really weird when they get mad when you can’t handle abstinence and leave and/or expect you to not masturbate either.
There’s a place within a relationship for masturbation. As far as I’m concerned, she has no right to police you from doing what you have to. It’s not like you’re cheating. Wtf
May I ask how old are you two? How long have you been together? Had you both had much experience? She sounds young and naive to be weirded out that you masturbate, to be honest.
It just sounds like basic incompatibility in sex. Maybe the rest of the relationship is great, I don’t know. Personally, I’d be asking if this is the situation I wish to have in my relationship.
What sorts of intimacy are you otherwise sharing together? You’re making out? Cuddling? Are you satisfied?
Are you exclusive in your relationship?