Partner interest/ frequency and impact on duration

My partner has never felt that sex is important to the marriage. From day one to 23 years later we have probably had sex fewer than 100 times with only 5 times in the last three years. I feel part of my problem is a lack of activity and when it does happen no engagement from them, their approach is just waiting for it to be over. Does anyone else have this issue, how do you address it?


Hello …. I understand the situation you are facing. I am in a similar one. My partner of 30+ years has not really seemed interested in sex, whilst I am the opposite and have wanted sex to be more frequent and more adventurous. We have not had sex for over 10 years and before then it was infrequent and she wanted it to be quick. When we were having sex, I was frustrated at how perfunctory she wanted it to be and it really affected our relationship. We stopped having sex after her mother passed away and it was less frustrating for me …. But I really miss it! Porn and masterbation were my go to but it isn’t the same. Ironically, I now have ED but still have the urge! You are not on your own but I don’t have any solutions for you I’m afraid!


Hi there,

Yes similar situation. 30+ years together from when we were teenagers. Sex frequencies and intensity been through highs (teenagers!) and lows (kids, jobs,life admin) … but feel very stuck in a low for a long long time now.

We only manage sex if we deliberately go away for a weekend somewhere and yeah, I can’t really feel she’s in to it. It feels routine and mechanical - it gets me feeling sad, selfish and frustrated!

We struggle to discuss it - I think I come across as desperate which doesn’t really turn her on!

So yeah no solutions yet. I’m here on MoJo to try and sort my shit out mentally and hope some can rub off on to her …

Thanks very much for sharing your experience.

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Similar situation as the others. I am horny as hell and she doesn’t seem to have much desire. I am the one who initiates but know not to do so if she is tired , a lot going on with our son or her elderly parents. Like you it’s a special occasion and usually if we are away (as our son is living with us).

I did say to her - at the right time- that I am sad that we don’t focus on us (not making it her problem). That I miss us having more intimate times together. She agreed. But tbh so far nothing has changed. I am hoping once our son moves out and we get our life and house back she will be more confortable with us being intimate in our own house and we can get in a rhythm.

In addition, I have found there are a lot of us who have this situation and want to get off more often and are horny. I have actually realized I have become curious about being with men to get off and have been exploring that confidentially. Jerking off in the steam room at the gym has been really hot - in more ways that one- and has helped fill the void