I’m 25 years old and have had erection issues since I could remember. I rarely ever wake up with morning wood (sometimes during the night but that’s because I need to pee), would not get fully hard when masturbating alone sometimes (other times it did, and the times I used porn it was very hard), I’d also often need to cum as soon as I’m fully erect. I’d always question myself even alone when masturbating and would get mad or annoyed that because I stopped jerking off for a split second I’m back to being soft (maybe it’s the ideas of porn idk)
I didn’t come out until I was 21, so you can imagine the level of anxiety and self criticism I had within myself as I didn’t really explore anything sexually like most teenagers.
Like most Gay guys growing up, my first experience was with a random person off Grindr. (I couldn’t stay hard for the life of me - even tried to watch porn in the moment). I didn’t know who this person was, I was going to their house, and I was being vulnerable with them. All this probably lead to me being in fight or flight and paved the way for future issues because I had set a negative expectation of what can happen in my next hookup.
I have been doctors as I still question if there is something physically wrong. With most of them prescribing viagra and cialis. I was prescribed cialis 5mg daily which helped me at first with morning wood and feeling confident , however I feel as if nothing happens anymore it’s like my body grew tolerance. It doesn’t help at all in hookups probably because my anxiety trumps it.
I have gotten ultrasounds of my penis to check blood flow - results came back with normal blood flow but a mild sign of Peyronie’s disease (30 degree bend to the left), i had asked my doctor if this would affect blood flow and they believe it wouldn’t as it is not a severe bend. Apart of me believed that because if I can sometimes be aroused by myself with a hard erection than surely ? But sometimes I get in my head about whether it’s physical because of the bend.
I’m going to see a sexologist doctor soon to reassure myself. I’ve withdrawn from porn for about a week and a half. I’m still taking cialis daily, I’m working out regularly, and I’m talking to a therapist while using this app again. Hopefully I notice progress in bed soon. I have a feeling it is psychological but apart of me second guesses it with the shit I’ve been through and the tests I’ve gotten back. Thanks for letting me rant on here, makes me feel a lot better seeing people in similar situations.
does get as big … which really messes with my mind. I know some of it is knowing Grindr isn’t what I want or need now but I’m still using it 
