Married 22+ years, in the last month, lost all sexual confidence

Hello, i just joined this site. I have been married for over 22 years, only been with 1 person my whole life. The the 6 years, i have had the occasional ED issue. However, the within the last month, i have lost all sexual confidence. I tell myself all day, i won’t be able to get it to work. My wife is nearing the end of everything due to this. She, of course, thinks i am not attracted to her anymore, which is NOT the case. It just feels like an avalanche of anxiety and lack of confidence. i have no clue what to do at this point.

Sorry to hear this mate.

Sounds like you’re in a bit of a negative spiral.

Not an expert by any means, something my wife and I do is have a daily check in.
3 questions scored out of 10.

How do you feel? - generally, what’s bothering you or stressing you out
How sexy do you feel? - basically how attractive do you feel
How loved do you feel? - are we spending enough time connecting.

You tend to learn something about each others love languages here.

Might help, might not, hopefully won’t do any harm.

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I’m married almost 20 years now, so I’d definitely recommend checking out Esther Perel’s work for ideas about erotic intelligence in a long-term committed relationship. But what I’m hearing is a lack of confidence and possibly a little panic because of that. Mojo definitely has exercises to help calm down and regain perspective. Meditation may be very helpful. Have you considered what happened to bring this about in the last month? I think conversation with your wife is a great start. I’ve come across a multi-step process for regaining confidence with sex in this book (Chapter 8, specifically): “Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence & Enjoy Great Sex” (Metz, McCarthy), which starts with talking, includes elements like Sensate Focus, and ends with playful sex, which, for me, is the ultimate goal that I’ve almost never really had.